Lily the Flower and James the Toerag
by DarkRose2009
Summary: Jame's really interested in Lily, she doesn't think she's pretty enough for him and Snape's in-between, switching from each main characters' PoVs.
1. My unrequited Passion for her

Brief Summary : James's just met Lily in his first years and pursuing her romantically relentlessly. But Lily doesn't seem too interested. And Snape's there in-between. Switching from each's PoVs.

Disclaimer : I don't down the characters or Avril's Lyrics, only the plot's mine. So basically how they got together, my version, enjoy, R&R.

From James' PoV

I James Potter, came from a Pure-blood family, but my family didn't believe in all that Pure-blood ideology and didn't think of Muggles as beneath us or primitives. We treated them with respect and politeness or so I thought. Even though I was constantly using magic, I was open-minded to the Muggles' ways. I didn't sneer at them condescendingly or anything else like that. At least, that was what I felt about myself and thought about myself. My mum and dad were loving and cared about me a lot as ever since I was a toddler.

Growing up as a child, I was pampered a lot by my pure-blood parents since they made a lot of money and I couldn't picture my life without them. I had an easy life at home, but I never forgot my magical roots and everything was enchanted in my house and furnished with advanced Charms I was eager to learn at Hogwarts. So when I got my admission letter, I couldn't be more excited than I was as a young boy, I yelled at my parents, shocking them to death while they were slightly slumbering during the day:

"Hey, mum, dad I got my letter from Hogwarts, I really got it!" But mum and dad didn't reproach a thing to me about waking them up because I was a young boy then and I already had poor eyesight, and this was something that even magic couldn't fix unfortunately. So they both said happily for me :

"Congratulations son, but you knew this was coming, you're a Wizard!"

"Yes I know dad, thanks for reminding me. So when are we going to shop for my clothing and other things in Diagon Alley?"

"We can go now if you got nothing to do."

"I want to go now please, mum."

And both my parents Apparated me in Diagon Alley with them, walking from shop to shop. First I got into Madam Malkins' Robes for all Occasions, and the clerk said kindly to my dad:

"He'd be in Gryffindor, your son, Mr. Potter, I can foresee it."

"Well, I hope so because I don't want to buy the wrong clothes for my only son. I don't him to end up in the wrong house either."

"Oh, I'm sure he won't, he's such a brave little thing."

I hated being called little, so I stomped my feet and said back to the lady :

"I'm not little, I'm eleven now, and I can go to Hogwarty Hogwarts." This made the Madam chuckle a bit and she didn't mind me since I was a child, though a terribly spoiled one. How spoiled I was I didn't know until I met Lily Evans Potter, the little girl who'd turn my life upside down.

"So, here's all your clothing and your supplies, where do you want to stop next?" asked dad.

"I want to stop at the Leaky Cauldron and have some butterbeers there with you before I go to school."

"You can't have butterbeer, you're too little for that."

"Pumpkin juice then, mummy, pretty please?" I begged her and she finally nodded.

And so this was what I had done of my boyhood life before going on the Platform 9 and 3/4 and boarding the train and meeting her, the woman I'd spend the rest of my life with. Sadly, the girl I found pretty at Kingscross was busy with another guy : greasy-haired, snivelly and everything else. I instantly disliked him and thought : how dare he be with my girl? In my youn mind, my Lily Flower was already mine. But boy was I wrong when I offered to buy her some foods from the trolley when her other friend was gone :

"Who are you? Are you a Pure-Blood?"

"Why yes, I am a Pure-Blood, but I don't believe in that, you know. What's your name?" She didn't even deign to answer me. Sad, feeling rejected, I went back in my own compartment with my friends : Sirius Black, Petter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Though sad said girl didn't answer me, I still reflected on the instant friends I made : the jokester and sarcastic Sirius Black, the quiet Petter and the secretive Remus. I knew he had a big big secret hiding inside of him and I couldn't put my finger on exactly what, though I'd find out precisely what later on in my years at school when my friendship with him would tighten. But now I was talking to them about the beautiful red-hair I met at King's Cross and the oily and raven black guy she was with with my newly-made friends :

"So say Sirius, why didn't that girl speak to me?"

"I don't know, James, she just might not be interested in you, you know."

"But I'm the best-looking guy in the whole school and I'm a Pure-Blood."

"What, you care about the Pure-blood thing?"

"No, I don't mean that, Sirry. I just mean I think I'm good enough for her." I didn't realize then how arrogant I just sounded and that was exactly what put her off.

"Maybe you're a tad too self-loving?" risked the usually calm Petter.

"That must be it."

"But yeah, listen to me, mate, don't pursue her tirelessly when she's not interested. Do so when she's into you." advied my good friend Remus. I knew this was sound advice, but my heart wouldn't listen, so I pursued her regardless all year long and maybe my 3 friends were right, that was my mistake. I should have left her alone and dated other girls instead. But my heart and my mind just couldn't do it. It was like I wasn't in control of my own feelings when I was around her. Chatting with them about the girl of my dreams made my forget about the time, and soon we got to the Castle. It wasn't like anything I've seen before, the grounds, the forbidden forest and half-giant yelling :

"First years, first years, come with me!"

I listened to the guide and got to the Great Hall. Later on, I got sorted into Gryffindor as I and my dad wished, so I didn't disappoint him in that. And the girl I had an eye on also got into Gryffindor :

"Lily Evans, Gryffindor!"

I clapped and congratulated her when she went to the Gryffindor table, but she didn't return my enthusiasm. What did she see wrong with me anyways? I was good-looking, nice, gentlemanly and everything a girl could desire. And from that moment on, I asked her out on several dates and wouldn't stop asking her until my 3rd year, and she'd always decline my warm invitation coldly :

"No Potter, I don't trust nor your friends. I don't want to be the laughingstock at our dates." This was her cold response in my 3rd year. So in whole 3 years, I incessantly asked her out on dates, insisting on giving her gifts, but anonymously of course, I never dared to sign my name.

Although Lily Evans Potter, the stunning and svelte red-haired girl and mature for her age turned me, James Potter down, I had friends of my own and each of swore to be like brothers to each other at Hogwarts. Each of us chose a nickname, I was Prongs, Sirius was Padfoot, Remus was Moony and Petter Wormtail and said :

"I Prongs of the Marauders, swear to be a brother to Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail."

"I Padfoot of the Marauders, swear to be a brother to Prongs, Moony and Wormtail."

"I Moony of the Marauders, swear to be a brother to Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail." I saw Wormtail hesitate a bit and so I asked him :

"What's wrong, say it?"

And he did :

"I Wormtail, swear to be a brother to Prongs, Padfoot and Moony."

And then I made the Marauders' map, which allowed me to ambush and follow Lily Evans, the flower girl of my dreams and my hearts' desire. Since I descended from the very Pure-Blood and noble Peverell family, I inherited the invisibility cloak as well, so I followed her around and she didn't notice a thing, or so I thought myself.

In my 3rd year now, I was still a boy, so I couldn't know if my feelings for her were just a momentary passion, or was it truly love and care I felt for her? Maybe that was why she didn't return my feelings.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Why I turned down the Toerag down

From Lily's PoV

Hello everybody, I am Lily Evans or should I say I was? Anyways, you'll of course, forgive me for my tiny little mistake, won't you? I was a girl and well, ever since I was born, I had self-esteem and self-image and on top of all that, self-worth issues. I tried very hard all my life to love everybody, including my very difficult eldest sister : Petunia Evans, or what I called her : Tuney. And she called me Lily. I used to do everything with her before my life as a Witch: shopping for clothes, making myself up and even trying on her clothes, though they were 2 sizes too big for the little me. So I as a little girl, always had a very low self-esteem, despite being in loving and financially comfortable family, that was why I couldn't give him a chance, but I gave Severus Snape a chance and that was my mistake. Who were the boys or men in my life, might you wonder and ask me? Well, you'll get to know them in a minute or two. Enough of my rambling, well what was I going to tell you? Well, about how I found I was a Witch, and everything I believed in before my life at Hogwarts was a big white lie.

Why did I say this? Because I discovered when I was aged 5 or 6, I could do many strange things, like influence peoples' thoughts or manipulate a flower. That was the thing I liked the most about myself since I loved all kinds of flowers : violets, mayflowers, and even more lovely ones in the wizarding world. Of course, on the moment, I thought to hide my powers to my parents, who were ordinary people and I thought they wouldn't understand me. Until that fateful day I met the boy whom I cared about the most in my young young life : Severus Snape.

I still remembered that turning point of my life very clearly : I was sitting on the bench, between branches and green Summer leaves and trying to manipulate a flower : a white June Lily. I knew he watched me from a distance for a while, I said to the boy, smiling innocently at him :

"Why, what are you doing there, come and sit with me, swing with me." He sure did after a good while of standing, just staring at me.

"You were trying to do magic, weren't you?"

"Magic, you mean like in fairytales, like an enchantress or like Merlin, Morgana and Morgause?" I asked him curiously. As I grew up, I was a little bookworm and devoured the Arthurian Cycle or anything fantasy. I couldn't believe my ear when this odd boy with raven black and a oily face told me that I just did magic.

"Yes, I saw you manipulating a flower. You're going to get your letter too."

"What letter?" I was burning with curiosity.

"Why, to Hogwarts's school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I forgot to ask about your name, what's your name?" This boy seemed humble and modest to me, so that was why I answered him back :

"I'm Lily Evans, and you?"

"I'm Severus Snape."

"Lily, who is it with you? Doing illegal things again? Come to dinner, now!"

"I'm coming in an instant, Tuney!"

I didn't have much issues with my sister then, since I believed I was completely normal, until I saw the boy I just met : Severus Snape many times and for many years in my life before going to Hogwarts, that magical and grand Castle for magical people like me. But little did I know I'd meet Pure-bloods and other otherworldly creatures there too. That boy called me a Witch, which bothered my sister and my family more than one bit. They tried to send me to another school. But I stubbornly refused, since I already had friends like the queen Stacey and the girl Stella. And my parents still insisted:

"Maybe you need go to a special school."

"A school for gifted people like me?" I dared to ask them.

"How should we put this, we think you're a little insane."

"But you and Tuney saw me manipulating a June Lily last Summer, dad."

"Yes we did. And we think it might do you some good, to go to a magical school."

"Really?" I could see jealousy on my sister Tuney's face and that saddened me.

"Yes, you're eleven years-old now and here's your letter to that school called Hogwarts. Apparently, we need to get you wizarding robes and the like, would you like us to accompany you or is it going to be okay with you alone?"

As almost an independent teenager now, I thought my parents over worried about me a lot and this was one of the occasions where they did and so I reassured them all :

"I can go with a friend who's a Wizard too, dad, mum."

"Yes, he's that Severus Snape." snapped Tuney. I thought she just disliked me then, but really she hated me for being a Witch. But was she going to deny me as a sister, now that I was a Witch? I had a troubled sleep that night before I went to Diagon Alley with Severus's family to get my supplies and my wand. Getting my wand was my most exciting experience and Sev told me it was so for any Wizard or Witch. The odd shop's owner, Mr. Olliwander, exclaimed, when a willow wand came to me :

"You must the most kind and loving person in the world, for the willow symbolizes compassion, love and humility!"

"Thank you, Mr. Ollivander!"

I just thought things for an ordinary girl like me couldn't get more fascinating, I got into an ice-cream shop with multicoloured and bubbly-looking icecreams. I chose one and sat down with Sev, my Wizard friend. Everything was so foreign to me who never knew this other world right underneath my feet before. How could I not know about it? I didn't dwell much on it until it was September first, and my first year at Hogwarts.

It was then I met a Toerag at the train station where all the students were going to board the train. My first impressions of him was that of an overly ambitious and arrogant young boy I didn't see that in Severus then though or if I did, 'd have known about his betraying my friendship with him beforehand and my inevitably falling for James the Toerag. He was trying to buy me some foods and drinks off the trolley while I eyed them with saliva coming out of my mouth, but counting my pocket my money, I didn't have enough, so he told me :

"Let me buy some for you."

"No, I don't trust you or your friends." I replied indifferently to his passionately burning feelings for me. I was aware then he might just have a crush on me, but what did he see in me? He had tons of other girls fawning over him. I saw him as just a flirt and a playboy and I just didn't want to get to know him then. So I declined his offer as politely as I could. I was normally not rude, but something in his voice got into me. A hint of arrogance and narcissism maybe? I didn't know what it was, but my friend Sev was nothing like like him. So I poured my heart-wrenching feelings about my sister Tuney's jealousy to him in a compartment. Whew, at least, the Toerag left us alone.

But he didn't when Sev and I got to Hogwarts, he wouldn't stop saying I was pretty and stuff. That really got to me because I had problems with my appearance and my looks, and I took them as insults. Perhaps I shouldn't have, but I did anyway. The Sorting Hat now called my name :

"Evans, Lily, Gryffindor!" Then it was the Toerag's turn, as I didn't know his name I nicknamed him the Toerag. I knew that instant his name was James sodding Potter. Well, he made my life a living hell at Hogwarts for 3 years in a row. He wouldn't stop asking me out in front of others and I took it badly because I still thought : I wasn't pretty and I was ugly, so what can't he pick some other girls? Like regally lovely ones in Gryffindor or in any other Houses.

Oh, pardon, I forgot to talk about my other friend. I'd never have guessed he got sorted into Slytherin when his name got called. This was a blow to me as I thought I was going to lose a precious friend to me, but he still kept in touch with me after the disastrous Sorting dividing our friendship into 2 halves.

And my goodness gracious, now James the Toerag came again to harass me about a date when Sev wasn't around me to protect me from him.

"Potter, how many do I have to turn you down? For you to understand, I am not into you?"

"Many, Lily flower."

"And stop calling me that." He really knew how to get my nerves cracking.

"Why? Don't you have a flower's name?"

"Yes I do, but my name's Lily, _not _Lily Flower, Potter."

"Tell me, what do you see in Snivellus anyway?"

"Snivellus? How dare you my best friend that?" I flared crimson. He probably thought I was cute-looking, but I hated how I looked when I got angry, but it wasn't an easy task to resist James Potter's Charms.

"Anyway, see you around, Lily Flower." He finally went away. That night before going home to my parents, I met with Mary Macdonald, my other female confidente in Gryffindor :

"That James sodding Potter's always there!"

"Asked you on a date again, I suppose?" She asked me calmly.

"Yes."

"And you refused?"

"Oh that I did, say Mary, what's it going to take for him to realize I'm not into him at all?"

"Maybe you're in denial yourself about him, Lily, be careful to not let him slip between your fingers." My friend told me teasingly. I didn't mind Mary teasing me since I knew she wasn't mocking me but offering me ind advice about that Toerag of James.

"Whatever, Mary, it's my last day at Hogwarts before my 4th year here, and I want to sleep in peace, please." But Mary was very sensible and coolly logical person, and I was too, though when James Potter was concerned, I couldn't calm myself down.

"There, drink this before you sleep, it's going to help you, since tomorrow will be your last day in school and you'll face your sister Tuney's increasing jealousy at home, Lily." I gulped the liquid potion down and fell in a sound sleep before facing my sister's jealousy again. With the years, she seemed to get more and more jealous of me because of my magical ability and my parents' favouritism towards me, though I told my parents to share a bit of love they had for me for her too. Why! Even Severus could see she was jealous of me. But just then, I didn't know at what point she was and how she was going to hate and treat my future son with my husband James Potter, destined to make great changes in the Wizarding world.

Note : read and review if you appreciated my story, thank you everybody!


	3. Meeting my Dreamgirl

In Snape's PoV

Should I speak in the present or in the past? But anyway, I thought I'd choose the past tense since my life was with serving my Master. Who was my Master? How did I meet him? I'll tell you much later in my tragic life story. Anyways, shall I go on with my life's story so far? How I lived it and why I had so much regrets in my life? How I got and lost my dream and flower girl Lily Evans? I will tell you all this soon, but not for now. For now, I'll tell how I met her, the her being Lily nee Evans, my dream girl. Why did I say she was my dream girl? She was everything I wasn't : pure-hearted, kind and loving caring and I thought that was I fell so irrevocably in love with her. Yet when my love was requited, I didn't cherish them, I pushed her away. What a stupid thing to do of me.

Well, what about my home life? Might you ask? Nothing special, I was the only son of Eileen Prince and Tobias Prince. My Mother was disowned when she married my Muggle father and cut off all contact with her family. And so I wasn't a Pure-Blood and I'll never be one, but I aspired to be one, and that was what separated me and Lily, my dream girl that I was watching right now from the behind the bushes. Technically, I didn't know her at all, since I've just seen her swinging on the bench with her mean sister she called "Tuney". Watching them two play, I yearned to have a sibling so I could talk to as well. All this to say, at home, although my father, when he found out my Mother was a Witch, didn't abandon us like most half-bloods, yet he didn't entirely love me nor shower me with affections and called me a freak sometimes too. And I could see her sister was also paranoid and prejudiced against all things magical. There were prejudices in both worlds, for both worlds to coexist peacefully, in my personal opinion, people should let go of these. And I hesitated to approach the youngest of the two sisters called Lily. But I've been dying to meet her. And thank Merlin her cruel sister Tuney was gone, though I still didn't dare to approach her. I was shy around girls and also had some self-esteem issues and a bunch of other problems with myself : I was greasy-haired, had oily skin and etc. I knew I wasn't good-looking. Why the girl around my magical area told me so plainly. It certainly hurt my feelings, but I didn't cry as a boy.

But why was I named Severus Snape? Such a Latin sounding name? I asked my parents that once and they got angry at me for asking. So you see, I wasn't even allowed to ask questions about my own life at home. To say my parents exploded when they heard me ask them the question was perhaps the understatement of the year. My Mother Eileen Prince pulled me away from the dinner table and told me :

"You shouldn't ask that question ever again, do you hear me Severus?"

"But why?"

"Ask again and you'll get whipped by your Father."

And then I guessed the reason behind it was because I was always so serious looking and everything else. Of course, that didn't get me any girl in the borough where I lived. But Lily Evans was so different from all these other girls. She spoke to me first and invited me to her bench once while I was watching her from around the bushes. I was aware I was a bit of a stalker, but I really wanted to talk to her. So that best day of my life, I had the chance to talk to her. And she was so freaked out about magic. I could sense she was scared about her powers and I told her :

"You're doing magic."

"You think so? How can I do magic?"

"Well, you just manipulated a flower and sensed I wanted to meet you. And that means, you're going off to Hogwarts with me!"

"Hogwarts, what's that?" She asked with curiosity in her eyes.

"Hogwarts' school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And your Sister Tuney is a Muggle."

"A Muggle?" She asked me again, puzzled.

"Ahhh, a Muggle is someone ordinary like her."

"So it means, Hogwarts is a special place for magical people like us?"

"Yes Lily. Let's go together to Diagon Alley and everything with my family. My Father will be delighted to chat with a Muggle-born like you."

"And a Muggle-born is someone born to non-magical parents, am I right?" I could sense her intelligence, so hence why I liked her pureness so much, but I lost to my enemy James Potter. I'll tell you all about how I met him later on in my story.

"Yes it is, you're right, Lily, but you, you're special."

When we both were 11, we got our admission letter and went shopping for our supplies together. It was a indeed a wonderful moment with her. I got to know her frustrations with her sister Tuney better at the ice-cream shop afterwards.

And on the train, that was where I met James Potter, whom I instantly made an enemy out of. He was dislikable, and looked down on people, and particularly disdained me. I've heard call me : that greasy-haired boy she was with. Then I guessed he too had an eye on my dream girl : Lily Flower. I told him to stop bothering her while he was to impress her with buying foods for her and told Lily :

"You'd better get in Slytherin, that's the best House ever."

"House?" She was puzzled again, and I loved seeing her that way. I didn't go on any longer after Black said his whole family was in Slytherin, well, except for him, because I didn't want to make a scene, but the harm was already done. That drama I had with Potter and his cronies made time pass faster and so towards the end of my journey to Hogwarts, Lily said to me :

"Come on, let's go to another compartment." I was happy Lily didn't like Potter either, my enemy and rival in love.

After my not so enjoyable train ride, it was the Sorting ceremony for me. I waited for my turn, the Hat shouted :

"Slytherin!"

But unfortunately, my dreamgirl was in Gryffindor with Potter. And for 3 years, I saw he wouldn't stop harassing her for dates and giving her gifts, but one thing we agreed on, he was an arrogant Toerag. So I told him :

"Hey, would you mind stop bothering her, Potter, she's with me?" Lily's eyes were dancing with joy when I said that.

"_Good move." _I told myself. After I said that, it was Lily's turn to ask me :

"Really, Sev?"

"Yes, Lily Flower, I'm asking you to Hogsmeade next week-end with me, we're in our 3rd now." She didn't seem upset when I called her that, only when Potter did, would her pupils dilate and her face becoming redder than ever, which I thought was a very matching colour with her hair, and made her eye colour stand out even more.

"But I don't have parental permission to go?" She asked, worried.

"Yes you do. I've told your parents about Hogsmeade and they've been very understanding and open-minded about it, so they gave you permission to go."

"So only Tuney thinks I'm a freak then?"

"Yes. Your parents love you as you are."

"Thank you Sev, I'd gladly go with you to Hogsmeade next week-end. But it means I'll have to do my homework earlier."

"You worry too much about your grades, Lily."

"It's okay, Sev." Then she hugged me and I was in 7th heaven. However, how could I know that Potter my enemy was preparing a revenge and he had an invisibility cloak, so he saw me asking her out and followed us to Hogsmeade. There, I had a wonderful time with my pure-hearted and innocent, but a bit naive Lily. I mostly talked to her about home and my unhappiness at home. And I could she was concerned about me as a friend and cared about me a lot, which made me happier. She was asking me :

"So, my parents love me very much, what about yours?"

"Well, my mother cares about me, but not my father, because he's a Muggle."

"Really? So he hates Witchcraft?"

"Yes, a bit like your sister Tuney."

"Her full name's Petunia, but I call her Tuney."

"Oh I see."

And our little date ended with this conversation, me knowing more about Lily's familial situation and her knowing more about mine. Our friendship was a natural one and I didn't realized, but I had liked her when I first met her, but as I was in contact with her more, I fell more deeply in love with her. But why did I choose my Slytherin friends over her? I had no idea myself.

Now, now enough talking about Lily, my perfect girl. Now that Potter somehow knew I went on a date with her, his friends, who he called the Marauders : Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Petter Pettigrew gripped me from behind when I was walking towards my dormitory and brought by force to the Forbidden Forest. And what they did to me that night was horrible :

They hanged me on the Whomping Willow and continuously and repeatedly called me "Snivellus", which was the nickname James gave me to sneer at me.

"So greasy-haired Snivelly, taking _my_ girl?"

"She doesn't want to be your girl." I retorted as venomously as I could, wantless, I couldn't do nothing to defend myself. And the Marauders continued bullying me. I was attempting to defend myself verbally as much as I could, but a branch fell from the Whomping Willow because I was too heavy for it. Then I saw James coming for me, I thought he was going to do something more cruel to me, but surprise, surprise, he saved me with :

"Levicorpus!" And this was the end of my struggle against the 3 Marauders. I learnt they called themselves that in the school. Back to my dormitory, I vented to my friends Lucius, Dolohov and Mulciber about them :

"Potter, he did…. to me."

"Then why are you are friends with that girl anyway? What do you see in her?" asked the stupid Mulciber."

"Because, because, because…."

"What, you're in love with her?"

"Maybe Dolohov." I shot back.

"I'm sure you want to sleep before your 4th year, it's going to be one year before our O.W.L.S and our parents expect much from us, Snape."

"Yes they do." And I went to sleep, trying to forget about my troubles, but even though talking to my Slytherin friends was good, but not as good talking to Lily, she was special to me, she wasn't a selfish, spoiled brat like James Potter my nemesis. But I never told her about my night on the tree in the Forbidden Forest with the Marauders and such, though I suspected she knew about it. It was one of the most shameful moments of my life while I was trying to defend her honour and to make Potter see she didn't want him, but loved me. Although maybe I was deluding myself into thinking that about her? Perhaps I was too hopeful? I meant, I was in Slytherin and she in Gryffindor. And I had to constantly remind myself I wasn't a Pure-Blood like them, meaning Mulciber, Dolohov and etc. But why was I trying to be like them so much? Did I really want to be as them? Were they really my friends or not? I had many questions in mind.


	4. My Remorse and why is she with Snivelly?

Jame's PoV again

As I went on in school, I just didn't understand her, the her being my Lily flower, _my _girl. I saw many guys wanted her too, for she was very beautiful and pretty. I kept telling her that in school but that didn't seem to go into her mind either. Maybe she thought I wasn't genuine in my compliments? But how could I not be, since I was trying to be as honest sounding as much as possible. Maybe it was because I was just a horribly proud person. If only I could make her see how genuine, honest and heartfelt I was when I called her pretty, gorgeous or lovely or when I asked her out on a date. But I won't know why she didn't think she was until Mary Macdonald told me, I'd tell you the discussion I had with her in a second after you read this page, I promise you.

On the other side, I had an excuse to be jealous of Snivellus, or Snivelly. Oh, you wanted to know why I called him that? Because he snivelled in his robes's sleeves. His green and silver robes were always a dirty colour and he was greasy-haired, oily-skinned and had small eyes, whereas I James Potter, had some gorgeous raven black eyes, with glasses maybe, but that was my birth defect. As I told you before, I was born with poor eyesight, so I wore eyeglasses since my first day of life, couldn't live without them. And I'll have to remind you too, magic can't solve anything and this was something even magic couldn't solve for me. Oh, I tried many times, even Muggle surgery for eyes and what they called "contact lenses", but nothing worked for my eyes. My eyes were naturally poor, though I didn't say that so you could pity me. And I was digressing from my original topic : my wild, savage, irrational jealousy for Snape, or what I called him : Snivelly or Snivellus, depending on my mood.

So this was some day after Charms and Transfiguration, under the very competent Transfiguration teacher Mcgonagonall. I admired the woman because : she was charismatic, plus a very skilled Witch and didn't judge the people by their bloodline, like I didn't mind the Half-Bloods or the Muggle-Borns. So I had en enjoyable class today with him. I've learnt how to Transfigure some objects into some other items, though I haven't attempted anything on live beings yet, the Profesor thinking we 4th graders weren't skilled enough for this yet, but I still scrupled to ask this question in class :

"Can we Transfigure people into other people or into other animals, Professor?"

"Why do you want to know that, Potter?" He replied back a bit dryly, I could sense he was reluctant to answer my question.

"Because it could be useful for me later on in my Auror career." I answered back proudly, making good my escape, drops of sweat on my forehead, thinking I'd get punished for even asking my question, but the teacher wasn't like the Potions' Master : Professor Slughorn, he was very punitive if we students made a tiny little mistake, but I was glad he liked Lily and didn't punish her, if only she could see my good side, I mused silently during the class.

"Potter, if you read the books before, you'd know about Animorphmagi and Metamorphmagi." This was my Lily Flower. Everytime I looked at her, whether it was between breakfasts, classes, lunches, I always found her particularly beautiful and bright for a Gryffindor. "_She should have been in Ravenclaw, that girl." _

That stunningly lovely girl who was going to be the death of me sometime later, but that was another story. But now, rather than answer her taunts in class, I ignored her to see how she'd feel being ignored. Although seemingly, this trick I learnt in a Muggle book called : "_Anne of Green Gables_" didn't work on her much, as she did apparently retaliated by ignoring me too. And I felt awfully horrible to be ignored and I'd admit, one of my defaults was to like to be the center of attention too much. But not the undivided attention of any girl, of my Lily Flower and the crux of my questions in my mind was : "_But why is she with Snivelly_?" Whom I felt only disdain for : the guy was ugly, and not slick like me at all, and on top of that, he judged her as a Muggle-Born and she didn't seem to mind him doing that to her. On the other hand, there was something I didn't know : they shared something in common : they had difficult family members. And I on the contrary didn't have that at home, I had a wealthy, spoiled life. And reflecting back on all that, that was me : I was over-indulged and my parents were overly permissive with me since I was their only heir, a bit like the Malfoys' son : Lucius Malfoy. This one, I knew for certain he was going to join the Dark Lord, which my Transfiguration Professor warned me and other students about. I supposed Snivelly my enemy, hey I rhymed, adored the Dark Lord's Pure-Blood philosophy and ideas, but I didn't know he was only a Half-Blood. If knew this, I would have made fun of him on that too. Snivellus the aspiring Pure-Blood. "_What a fit nickname for him, my main competitor for Lily's heart!" _

So that day after I had Charms and Transfiguration with my Lily Flower, but thank Merlin the Slytherins weren't with us the Gryffindors. Speaking of which, I thought I was a Gryffindor through and through, but I was a coward really. I was already afraid of my Lily Flower's rejections and insults and everything else about her, but I was also a very conceited young teenager then. But try as I might, I couldn't see that in myself. I had some overly self-esteem problems, which could seem like narcissism to some, but I didn't care about others, only about my exquisite Lily Flower and she didn't see that and so she dared to call me "the arrogant Toerag".

I was now in the Common Room, venting my bottled up frustrations to the rest of the Marauders, my true friends who could really understand me. Around them, I felt I could be myself : a rule-breaker and a trouble-maker, which was why I made the Marauders' Map and to use it, people had to say : "I solemnly swear I am up to no good". But maybe my mischievousness was what turned my Lily Flower away from me, because for me, she was the prettiest of the flowers and a blossoming red Lily. I knew of course, Lilies were usually white, but that was some poetry I made up myself and I've heard she was a very romantic girl. So these were my thoughts on Lily and Snivellus, her snaky friend in Slytherin.

But I was deviating from my original topic too much, today I was venting my frustrations and my jealousy out to my friends, but especially to Moony and Padfoot, Wormtail was a bit useless and pointless in these situations, so I told him to go for a stroll in the Castle's grounds while I was discussing my girl with my friends :

"So, why do you think she's with that Snivelly, my enemy, rival or whatever?"

"I've got no clue what she sees in him, Prongs, so I can't say, maybe he's got a little something you don't have." said Padfoot.

"Maybe you're right, Padfoot. But what don't I have in a guy? I mean, I'm handsome and everything else, what else could she possibly want in a guy?"

"Perhaps humility, and a guy who genuinely cares for her and loves her?" risked Moony. Technically, I was the Marauders' leader, but Moony was the more mature one of us all 4 friends. And Padfoot, he's just too funny and ironic, he wouldn't understand girls, I thought and I doubted he had started a relationship with Moony, but that was to be confirmed yet. Both were attractive young men like me. But I didn't judge people by their appearance and looks, and that was one of my qualities in me. And I thought Lily should see this in me, yet she didn't, which was why I was heart-broken. Perhaps she thought I didn't have a heart?

"You're the sensible one, Moony, but when I see them together, laughing, walking hand in hand, I just want to tear them apart."

"You mean you want to do something to Severus?" Moony never called him Snivellus as he was the more mature one of us and a mediator, a peace-maker.

"Not necessarily. But if he makes a move on my girl, I wouldn't be able to resist it, Moony. She's _my_ girl, got it?"

"Maybe she doesn't see it that way, you know, Prongs."

"Why Padfoot, aren't you a genius today!" I regretted saying that immediately afterwards, seeing how hurt he was, so I said :

"I'm sorry, Padfoot. You'll forgive me for that?"

"Yes, just don't do anything stupid, reckless or rash to Snivellus and give her some time." That was actually some quite good advice coming from him, but I was too much into my mind to listen to anybody else, even my closest friends.

After the talk with my Marauder friends, I felt so much about myself, since being constantly snubbed by the girl you liked had this effect on any guy, not only me. Any guy who liked a girl would feel this way about himself after being rejected so many, many times. "_What does she see wrong in me?" _ I asked myself repeatedly and tortuously.

But some day later, what I've been through was the drop that overflowed the vase, or my resistance in my case. Snivellus dared to defend my flower girl Lily _and_ in front of me :

"Can't you see, she's with me, Potter? Leave her alone, what's it going to take for you to see it, she doesn't want to be with you?"

I didn't reply back to that, as it was somewhat true, she didn't want to be my girl, yet I was in the dark, I didn't know why she was that way towards me, and not towards someone as condescending as Snivellus. After a while of waiting, I threw my invisibility cloak over me and listened to their conversation afterwards, Snivellus dared to ask my Lily flower out on a date to Hogsmeade. It was then that I decided to do something to Snivellus my arch-rival in school and in love. Although I hated to admit I had kept up my good grades because of him, well mostly because of Lily, my delicate red and white Lily. Her skin was white as snow, but her hair was red and her eyes were green like the "Avada Kedavra" curse. I should have known then, not to choose her, but I was already passionately and I'll admit, just a tidbit obsessively in love with her, which was why I was going to do something to Snivellus after his Hogsmeade date with my girl.

I was walking swiftly and waiting for their date to end, which seemed endless to me, but Moony caught me and asked me :

"Where are you going like this?"

"Doing something to Snivellus, my rival in love."

"You're being stupid, Prongs."

"I know, I know, but what's a guy to do, when he can't get his girl?"

"He waits until the other guy's out of the picture, Prongs."

"You how impatient I am, Moony and anyways, what are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you and let me tell you story about me, so you can stop a little bit on your vengeance plans."

"I'm in no mood to hear it, Moony."

"Well, their date is going to last a little while, why don't you hear my story first? And then if you really still want to go, go, I can't do anything more for you." He was trying to look after me as my friend, I knew it and I knew I should listen to him, so I said, giving him a chance :

"Right, go ahead."

"I'll tell you something about me, I was affected by lycanthropy since my childhood by a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback and he wanted my Father Lyall Lupin romantically like you. But My Father was dead gone on my Mother : Hope Lupin nee Howell, a Muggle woman, so you see, I'm a Half-Blood. Years later he wanted vengeance on me and here I am : a werewolf."

"I knew you had a big secret, Rem, but I didn't know it was this tragic, so sad. I want to do something for you, I can perhaps be an Animorphmagus for you."

"I'm glad you could feel moved by my life story, however that wasn't my purpose. I wanted to dissuade you from going after Snape, it's only going to hurt Lily, you and him even more, do you understand now, why I am telling you all this as your friend?"

"Yes I know you're looking out for me, but I just can't." And just my mind was hesitating to go after Snivellus and I didn't know what I could do to him my inspiring enemy. But then, Padfoot and Womrtail just came from Hogsmeade too and joined in the conversation I was having with Moony :

"I just saw them kissing in the Pub, spying them around and everything, Prongs." This was it, I had to do something to that Snivelly, who was in my way, and between my girl and I.

"I can't force you to not go, Prongs, so keep in mind my my story and don't go overboard." Moony didn't join us, but the rest of the Marauders did, so I felt supported in this. My friends in Gryffindor and I caught up with smelly Snivelly, just when he was about to go to the Slytherin dungeons. Padfoot gripped his arm tightly and forced him with us in the Forbidden Forest under the Whomping Willow. Then it was Padfoot's idea that we hanged him on the tree and taunted him each of us, by calling him Snivellus who snivelled and we got his wand, so he was defenceless either magically or physically against us three :

"Snivelly, smelly Snivellus, you dared to take my girl?" I asked him defiantly.

"Why yes, Potter, and she's not your girl, she's mine."

We continued for a good while, but then I just felt someone's eyes on us. I mentally asked myself : "_Are they Lily's or someone else's_?" I had fun bullying him by calling him smelly, greasy and oily Snivelly, but something in my moral conscience : I didn't want my Lily Flower to see that. And as I was calling him names and taunting him, a branch from the Whomping Willow fell, making him fall backwards, almost loosing his life. Then I thought to myself : "_Am I really a Gryffindor by doing this, even to my worst enemy? Am I really being heroic? Not at all. Besides, is my jealousy that much worth it? No, Lily's going to hate me for this, Moony is __right in this."_

Hence why I took out my wand, pointed it out towards Snivellus and shouted:

"Levicorpus!" And he didn't fall into the creatures' den. What a night that was for me. And reflecting on my actions, I felt truly repentant and remorseful for doing that even though he was my enemy, my rival in love, he didn't really deserve my cruelty, I discovered tonight my darker side. What did it mean exactly for me? That I was growing up as a mature teenage adult.

After Snivelly and the other Marauders raced back the Castle as quickly as they could before being caught by some school Staff, someone emerged from the dark, it was someone in Gryffindor, I couldn't quite pinpoint precisely who it was, but it was a girl, and someone who Lily was friends with. Startled, I asked the first question that popped into my mind upon seeing her:

"Who are you?"

"You don't know me, but I know you, James Potter, I'm Mary Macdonald, Lily's best female friend in Gryffindor."

"Well, if you are, then I hope you can help me with her. And how much did you see?"

"All of it, Prongs. Do you mind if I'm calling that and not James, or Potter?"

"Yeah sure, go ahead, you can call me Prongs, Mary if you're going to help me with my Lily Flower."

"But I want you to promise to never do that to Severus or anything bad to him ever again, her best friend."

"So do tell me, what does she in him? And yes, I promise solemnly I won't, is that fine with you? Now won't you tell me what does she see wrong in me?"

"Lily has many issues you're not aware of, as a guy, mainly overly low self-esteem, selt-image and self-worth issues. She doesn't she's pretty and all that." I was surprised hearing that because I found her to be the prettiest girl in the whole world, either Wizarding or Muggle.

"She thinks that of herself? So that's why she's not taking well my compliments on her looks."

"And I'd say to you, let her see the good in you first, because she's comparing you to Severus very often and a lot." This of course, piqued my interest as I pressed on the conversation :

"Why him and not me?"

"Because in her eyes, you're insincere, arrogant, conceited and you're a just a flirt."

"Thanks for telling me this, Mary, I owe you one, if there's anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask me, okay? And I won't give her that much obvious compliments, I promise to be subtle in the future."

As Mary seemed to satisfied with herself, and she and I parted in each other's ways in good terms, she in the girls' dormitory and I in the guy's.

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	5. Why did I pick my Toerag over Sev?

Lily's PoV again

Hey Lily here again to tell about how I lived my life, how I saw James Potter the Toerag through my eyes firstly. Did you guys all forget about me? Hopefully not. So why did I call him that in my mind? You wanted to know that very much now yes? Because he was an arrogant toerag and not genuine at all and I felt the scorn in his compliments, as if he were scathing me when he said I was beautiful. "_Me, beautiful? Something must be wrong with his eyes, must be because he's wearing eyeglasses. He couldn't see very clearly or I didn't see myself clearly." _These were my thoughts about myself in my bed, when I couldn't close my eyes. I sensed something was wrong in the air. Maybe something happened to my friend, Severus? Or perhaps not, I reassured myself in my thoughts. But then I saw Mary Mcdonald coming from outside breathlessly, that was why I interrogated her about her strange behaviour this night. The girl wasn't normally a night owl, so this also told me something was wrong. I was in the middle of a fight with her about James Potter the Toerag, whom she defended at times. I didn't understand why then, but I would later, much later on in my life, when I'll get to know him better and when I'd stop being so judgemental about him, I didn't realize it myself when Mary pointed it out to me :

"Stop judging James so quickly, Lily and I don't really trust that Snape guy, he's a Slytherin after all, he might not be all right in his head."

"I'm seeing nothing with Sev, only that James' a bad guy."

"You're being judgemental again, Lily, you can't even see clearly about him."

"Why are you being on his side always, Mary?" I asked her honestly wanting to know her thoughts and how she saw him. My understanding was that she liked him, maybe a little too much to my taste.

"I'm not being on his side, just trying to make you his good side, Lily. I know you share common things with Snape, but I still you should keep your distance with him, Lilykins."

"Care to tell me your reasons why, Mary?"

"Because I've seen him with bad people like Mulciber, Malfoy and the like."

"That doesn't mean he's bad." I said defensively about Sev. More than a decade of friendship was a little hard to overlook for me, Lily Evans or the wilted, broken and frail flower girl. I was strong in the outside, but inside I was breaking because of James' persistent advances on me. I didn't want his attention at all. Why did he always pick on me? Just for fun or what? But Mary told me again :

"You know, I've spoken to James, he's not that bad really. But I concede, he might a tidbit arrogant, but he's not a bad person, but Snape, I just smell an evil and dark person in him. If you don't believe me, he knows some dark spells and stuff other students don't know about."

"How do you know about this Mary?" I inquired arching my right eyebrow.

"My other friend Kelly's seen him use some unknown dark spells like 'sectusempra' on _innocent_ younger people."

"I'll believe you until I've seen it with my own eyes."

"You could be so hard-headed sometimes Lily, and I'm just saying James could be the good guy and Snape could be the poisonous and green apple in Snow White, you know." Mary like me was a Muggle-born and knew our culture and fairytales by heart since she was a baby so that was why I mad friends with her naturally. I was attracted by her sincerity, but now she was telling me something I didn't want to hear, something I didn't want to think about, but this was my mystake. I realized it much later in my life story and if you'd let me, I'll tell you in a moment how I ended marrying James, my good Toerag.

"Whatever Mary, I'm going to sleep, so should you. We'll have course advice sessions tomorrow."

"Yeah, I guess so Lilykins, but don't forget my words. Tomorrow will be a big day for both of us and it's nearing the end of our year too." Which meant for me to face again my hyper-jealous sister at home, which I didn't want to think about now, too much stress for nothing for me, I had other things to worry about.

My advice session was boring since I've already decided to take all the courses for an Auror, For Muggles, an Auror was someone who caught dark Wizards and Witches like Gellert Grindewald or the one the rise : He who mustn't be named Tom Riddle. Professionally, I had ambitious and also wished to be one too. And I hated to admit, but I had something in common with the Toerag James Pure-Blood Potter. I didn't think he judge me because I was a Muggle-born, but I couldn't see my Sev saw me as a lowly Mudblood and called me that behind my back, which I'd find out one one day in a sunny after noon at the beginning of my 5th year.

As my mind was set on becoming an Auror, I attended sessions about something called : the Order of the Phoenix, organized by the Headmaster of the School called Dumbledore. I admired the man and wanted to work for him, but the downside was that Potter was there as well. Though somehow he lessened his open compliments on my looks, I guessed probably Mary put him to his place for me. Thank Merlin she was there for me. This was one of the meetings I was present in and Potter too :

"Potter, what are you doing here?"

"Why didn't you hear me saying I wanted to be an Auror too, this is a must for every Auror, Evans." And thank goodness gracious he didn't call me his Lily Flower. And so I had to put up with him during whole meetings until the end of the year. One good at home was I didn't have Potter pursuing me relentlessly, though I noticed his maybe disinterest in me between my 4th and 5th year at Hogwarts? I should be happy and satisfied, shouldn't I? But why was I _unhappy_ about it? Something in me felt empty. Did I really develop feelings for him? No it couldn't, this was going too fast for me.

However why did I make such a great detour to tell you all why I chose my Toerag James anyway over my long-time Slytherin friend Severus Snape. Why? That was indeed a good question to ask me. What changed my mind about the Golden guy in Gryffindor? Whom evey girls in school coveted desperately, though only I resisted his charms and attractiveness? "_Attractiveness, since when did I find him handsome or good-looking?" _

While I was starting to see how attractive James really was, at the same time, I was beginning to feel something change in Severus, as I've heard Mary's words about him associating with Mulciber, Malfoy and Dolohov, Macnair. That was indeed something unnerving. But something went awry one sunny afternoon after school was over, and while I was showing off some magical tricks to Tuney in the forest about my parents the Evans' house, it was a nice little ordinary and non-magical townhouse, that I loved and missed every year I was in school.

"Tuney, look what I can do now!"

"Stop that or you'll get a howler from the Ministry of Magic, Lily." "_Tuney knew about my world_?" I thought only friends in my magical world did, so I asked her, surprise on my face :

"How do you know that?"

"Because she spoke to Headmaster Dumbledore." I didn't see Sev coming out from behind the very big trees. So he was hiding there and spying on my very heated discussion with Tuney.

"I'll leave you two freaks alone." said Tuney suddenly getting up to leave.

"No Tuney, stay with us please and I'm not a freak, I'm your sister!"

"You're a Witch, a freak, Lily, not talking to you anymore." She went on hurting my feelings more. And then Sev intervened :

"Don't go after her Lily, she's just jealous of your magical talents. Let her go and she's a _Muggle_." I should have noticed the slight but unnoticeable disdain in his voice, but since I thought of him as my best friend, so I agreed with him on that :

"Yes, she's only an ordinary girl." And he went on even further :

"Did you know she even begged the Headmaster for admission to our school for special people like us, Lily?"

"No, how did you know about this, tell me now Sev." I asked him intrusively, but I really wanted to know this because even though Tuney thought I was a freak, I still loved her deeply. And magic separated and poisoned she and I.

"I searched in her things and read her entire letter to Dumbledore." He answered me honestly. And his seeming sincerity clouded me to his darker more ambitious side.

"Promise me to never do that again to Tuney and you and Mulciber, Malfoy and them should cut off all contact."

"But they're my friends, Lily."

"How _could _you be friends with people like them?" I asked him earnestly wanting to know this from him.

"Don't you _trust_ them?"

"What? Trust them? They _bully_ people like Potter, Sev!"

"Potter, not the Toerag?"

"Fine, yes the Toerag." I said in agreement with him and he was satisfied with my answer.

I had this little talk with him about James and what I thought his Slytherin peers in the Summer, now it was back to school time for me again. "Off to Hogwarts I go again, mum dad, Tuney, see you all next Summer!" I said excitedly, but only my parents nodded in joy and Tuney didn't answer me. Was she so jealous of me that she hated me, her dear little flower sister? I was her little sister and a human being, Witch or not, though apparently she didn't see it that way about me. I was shattered by her unresponsiveness.

And little did I know that I'd lose my Sev to the dark side and to Mulciber, Malfoy and the rest. When Sev asked me if I trusted them in my 14th Summer, I immediately answered no, how could I trust evil and bad people who worked for a Dark Lord in rising like Dumbledore said last year?

So I blamed this all on that afternoon after a Quidditch match and Gryffindor won against Slytherin and when the Marauders, James especially decided to bully Severus and Macnair, Mucilber and Dolohov in return bullied me. I knew then Mudblood was a common insult for lowly and dirty-blooded Muggle-Born Witches and Wizards like me. In the past, I refused to see it when James and Mary both warned me beforehand about Sev my only friend in Slytherin, but I saw it now while I rushed to defend him while James my Toerag was provoking him by calling Sev :

"Smelly badly Snivelly! Forgot your Pure-Blood perfume?" How immature of him, and I was fuming for Sev.

"Stop it, Potter, I'm not smelling any bad smell about him and would you please stop calling him Snivellus for _me_?" And then he asked me back :

"How could you stand being friends with _him_?" I didn't grace the Toerag an answer. And Mulciber and Dolohov began insulting me :

"Mudblood, dirty-blooded who thinks she's a Witch!" I didn't mind them at first, but then the insults got worse. James Potter my Toerag also decided to defend me :

"Stop calling her that, she's the purest and most intelligent Witch ever, you're just jealous of her talents!" This made my friend Sev a little uneasy and getting on his nerves, I could see from the corner of my eyes.

"Why, in love with that _Mudblood, Potter_?" "_Mudblood_?" I thought he was my best friend. And I felt it like a betrayal, the deepest cutting betrayal of a long friendship over the years and maybe the lingering hope for a love lost. But James ignored him and turned his head full of vanity to me :

"You know, I'd never call you that Lily! Don't listen to him."

"Stop adding fuel on fire, Potter. And I didn't need _you _to defend me today." I replied smugly to him before going away from the scene to cry a river in the girls' bathrooms alone. There, I let myself have a nervous breakdown. "_How could Sev do that to me, his best friend although I am a Muggle-Born? Is that so important to him? I couldn't become a Pure-Blood._" I couldn't think of an answer for this right now and I let that go for the moment. But have ever you been through such a cutting and deep betrayal? And like you've trusted the wrong person in your whole life? I thought he was my solid rock, the one I could depend on and rely on, but I was in a delusion I created myself in my own judgemental mind. And then, I cried, cried cried in agony letting it all out until my eyes got dry from my crying.

However then, I heard someone open the bathrooms' door, I asked shyly after drying my tears with my Gryffindor robes :

"Mary?"

"No, I'm James. Have you done crying?" He dared to be there while I was in my weakest moment, but all I could see in his eyes was his sincerest desire and want to help me through it. He said nothing to me, though rocked me back and forth gently. However, I challenged him first :

"Here to gloat over my broken friendship with Sev, aren't you Potter? Aren't you glad you won over him?"

"No, I'm not and I'm honest Lily and you're my most beautiful flower, even while you were crying and I _mean_ it with my whole heart." Sensing and feeling how honest sincere and he was at least, I gave him a chance at consoling me and indeed, I found myself in James Potter the Toerag's strong, comforting arms.

"Really are you, Potter?"

"I'm James, Lily Flower." He was trying to cheer me up, but I took it wrongly.

"Stop calling me that, you know how much I _dislike_ it when you do."

"But why Lily Flower?"

"Because I'm a broken and betrayed flower."

"Not anymore and I'll always be there for you, my Lily Flower." Boy was he stubborn like a mule! And Mary said I was hard-headed. But I simply said, seeing his honesty in his eyes and hearing it in his voice at last :

"Yes fine, I'll give you this chance only once, though, Potter. One joke about my looks and I'll go back to hating you."

"Yes my Lily Flower." I realized talking to James was comforting and I began to smile again despite what Sev did to me that afternoon. I promised myself I'd never forgive him, but I got to see James in a new light and in the end this was why I picked him over my over ten years now ex-friend Severus Snape, because he dared to call me that. "_Mudblood_!" It was still on my mind over and over again, even in my nightmares after James left me that night with Mary my best female friend in the Gryffindor girls' dormitory.

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	6. My useless Apologies

Snape's PoV

I already introduced myself as Severus Tobias Snape, a Half-Blood by Eileen Prince and Tobias Snape, but I wouldn't repeat that uninteresting stuff about me again. I also told you how I met the Marauders, my bullies at school and how desperately in love I was with Lily. And with the years spent together, from knowing her from my childhood to my adulthood, I could sense that she also requited my feelings for her, or cared more about me than just a friend, that I was sure of.

Now how did I know all this? In my 13h year of existence, I started training in Legilimency and Occlumency with my Pure-Blood mother, Eileen Prince. She was the one who taught how to shroud my feelings to others, and how to read others like an open book. I thought I was good at it, but not good enough apparently. In my lonely and dark life, I met someone who was better at me and anyone else than these difficult skills. And he used me exploitively. And who was that? Remember I told you all about my Master? And why was I telling you all this now? Because I wanted to tell you all how I lost my only love, the only bright star in my life, the love of my life, and the one who didn't judge as a Slytherin or someone dark : Lily Evans. And I lost her to my worst enemy in school : James Potter whom she like me, detested before. And I had some clue about how she and he got together in the end. And she chose him over me, and that was the tragic story of my life : my losing her to him. This was a complete blow to my heart, but losing her completely when she had gone to another world was completely another story to tell in other chapters of my lonely life. And that was why I cherished my dear dreamgirl so much : she was the only one without prejudices and with a pure-hearted and I hurt her feelings beyond any repair one day in school.

As usual in the Summer, she was telling me about how her sister was jealous of her. But I argued that she might just be a little too envious of her magical talents. My Lily Flower was now showing her sister Tuney some magic tricks and she told her :

"Don't, you'll get a howler from the Ministry." Lily made a surprised face and asked her :

"How did you know about this?" As I joined in the conversation, I told my Lily :

"She's spoken to Headmaster Dumbledore about it, even begged him to admit her into our school for special people like us, Lily." Her sister Tuney then left the bench and turned to face us :

"I'll leave you two freaks alone." My dreamgirl was about to go after her terribly annoying sister, but I stopped her, telling her :

"No, let her go, she's just jealous of your talents in magic."

"Yes she is, Sev. Did you know she called me a freak several times before?" I could see this hurt my Lily flower more than anything else in the world and she loved her sister very much, though I couldn't understand her because "Tuney" was being disagreeable to my girl. Potter and I both called her our dreamgirl, but which man did she want? My arch-nemesis and I never thought about it. And I never thought I'd choose the dark side over her, my bright star in the night.

"Once again, she's just envious of you." I said as if that settled the things about her _Muggle _big sister.

Oh, you wanted to know why us magical people hated those Muggles? Because once they were awful to us as well, and made us go into hiding like animals or at least, that was what I thought. I never thought this would be the last Summer I'd talk to my best childhood friend and only love of my life, the one the person who brightened up my mood everyday, or at least, her lovely smile and hair did each time I saw her. She was really the only good thing in my life, not even my "friends" in Slytherin and I meant : Mulciber, Malfoy and the like. And they caused me to lose my love to my worst enemy, a fate more tragic and undeserving than anything else in this world. Yes, maybe I went overboard that afternoon, and maybe I hurt her feelings excruciatingly, but I thought she should give me another chance to redeem myself in her eyes. But no, she was more stubborn than a mule.

But why did I start everything by the ending of my story? Because I was confused myself about my feelings for her and mesmerized by her beauty, which often would cause me to ramble on indefinitely. And I apologize to have started by the ending of my turbulent and sad story, that you should all be dying to know, right?

Well, first thing I'd say before starting though, was time flew by very fast with my Lily Flower and I enjoyed every moment of my life spent with her since never would I know this would be my last Summer with her. Also pardon, I knew I tended to repeat myself over and over again when I was agitated like and had a story to tell. But how should I begin? Let me put my thoughts together. Now know how, so let me start.

Firstly, I should never have been friends with Mulciber, Malfoy or the others. Why? Because behind my back, they mocked me and laughed at me and called me a Half-Blood, and which was why I loved Lily so much : she didn't do that to em at all, she was a sincere girl, and the most beautiful blossoming Lily ever. Because of her, my favourite flower was the water Lily. I planted some in my parents' house in her honour and watered them everyday. But what did this have to do with anything? It had everything to do with it since you see, they were in the dark arts and told me I could have any girl I wanted and I wanted, no needed Lily's love, without knowing I already had it. And they told me once just before the incident that tore Lily and I apart :

"With these dark powers, you can have any girl you want, Severus."

"Really Mulciber, can I get a girl's heart with these, how?"

"I don't know how, but it's an extremely powerful dark elixir, more than the Amortentia, I've heard."

"Who told you so?" I asked curious about this love elixir I thought I needed.

"Tom Riddle or _Lord Voldemort_."

"And who is he, what does he do?"

"He's into the deepest of dark arts, he can make any girl want you, Severus." added Dolohov. They were my circle of "friends" in Slytherin who derided me and degraded me when I wasn't around. These people I should never have trusted.

"Then how do I get this powerful Elixir you spoke of, Dolohov?"

"By swearing service to him, the price is high although worth it."

"You really think so?"

"Yes I do, Severus, don't you trust me, your _friend_?" I knew this sly guy was manipulating me, yet then I couldn't resist him, so I answered him back :

"Yes I do."

"So will you swear service to Lord Voldemort?"

"Let me think about it. What do I get in return?"

"Eternal life, youth and attracting any girl you want, including your Mudblood." They all knew about my love for her and often called her that even if I told them not to. I still excused them then : they were doing it by habit, not by cruelty, but I didn't see the malice in them just then, I might have been an ambitious young man, but I was too naive and gullible, so I believed their words to be true, but I didn't know just then they were only trying to use me or their dark lord was approaching me through them. Just who was he exactly, I was intrigued, so I asked them again :

"Just who is this guy?"

"A guy? He's the purest of the Pure-Blooded Wizard, last descendant of Slytherin alive now. Just for that, you should be working for him." I was thinking about it just a bit, yet still asked another time :

"Is being in his service truly worth it?"

"Yes, for example he healed my Mother's illness if I tortured Muggle-filth and Mudbloods like Evans." I didn't like that one bit, but I still listened to Dolohov, as if under a spell by his voice. He could overly charming and use it for any goal and he was already the future Dark Lord's champion, I could see.

"Well, let me think about it." I said cautiously. I was cautious or thought I was, in contrast of Potter who was rash and careless and which was why Lily preferred me, she told me so once herself.

"Think about it seriously, Severus, he can teach you tricks to avenge yourself against your enemies, like the Marauders." Macnair touched my sensitive cord.

"Oh really, like what for example?"

"Very dark curses and curses that can make them want to beg you for death." After hearing that, I was convinced by Macnair's words, I could make Potter pay for what he did to me that night under the Whomping Willow and his always calling me Snivelly. I knew there were better ways to deal with my bullies, but I didn't think much right now and said :

"Then I want to work for that man, Lord Voldemort."

"And call him 'My Lord' when you'll meet him."

"Understood, Macnair." And so that was how I turned to the alluring and seductive dark side, because I was wanting revenge for myself, but that didn't have a direct thing to do with my straining my friendship with my Lily Flower.

The thing that divided she and I was one sunny and good afternoon after Quidditch with Potter Potter as Seeker on the Gryffindor team, and they demolished my House's team. Potter no doubt felt victorious, as he resorted to bullying me again with calling me "Snivelly". I should have gotten used to it with the years, but I wasn't as intelligent as Lily, so I let that get to me again. He was calling me after my House lost to his :

"Smelling badly Snivelly, forgot your Pure-Blood perfume?" Before I could answer, Lily stood up from the crowd and rushed to my defence :

"Will you stop calling him that for _me_, please?" I thought in my head that she shouldn't plead Potter for anything, and speaking of the Toerag with a self-inflated ego, he asked her :

"How could you be friends with _him_?" I didn't like that derisive tone in his voice, though this time, she didn't answer him which was good for me. But sadly my friends decided to go for Lily that day, and retaliated in return :

"Mudblood, dirty-blooded who thinks she's a Witch!" Potter defended her and that got me on my nerves, so I let it slip from my lips :

"_Mudblood_!" I said it with such disdain that I hated myself for it long afterwards. My Lily ran off to the Castle in tears. As soon as I said that, I regretted it almost immediately afterwards and wanted to go after her, but Mulciber told me :

"Don't, let her cool off for a while, she'll forgive you for it." If only that were true, but that wasn't true for me, though his advice was sound and good so I listened to it, and resisted the urge to go after Lily then.

I let her cool off for about a few days, thinking she'd be ready to give me a second chance, but I underestimated her stubbornness. I Severus Snape, the proud Slytherin, went to a the Gryffindor's tower, hoping against hope she'd meet me there and give me another chance, but she wouldn't, but I'm very sorry to rush the story so much and I bet you'll all jumbled up and don't know what's happening right now. In my way to the Gryffindor Tower, I was introspecting myself and thinking about how I'd apologize to her, so preparing myself for a big no from her as well. But I never thought she'd be this stubborn and not give me any chance at all to redeem myself in her eyes.

"_Oh how much I need her now, I was so stupid! And why did I care about blood purity so much? I didn't care about it at all before, so why did I now? What's wrong with me?_" I blamed myself over and over again and again and again until I've got to the Gryffindor Tower. I didn't have the password to it's Common Room, so I had to wait until a Gryffindor was out. I waited, waited and waited sitting at the entrance between the 2 gargoyles and repeating my useless apologies and pleas for forgiveness to them :

"I'm so very sorry Lily, I was stupid to call you that."

"Yes you were." Someone finally got out of the Tower. It was Mary Macdonald, who I knew because Lily always talked to me about her, she was one of her best friends and housemate.

"Thank you, Marry, will you let me in?"

"No, Lily never wants to see your face again." She said resolutely and firmly, shattering my hope for our friendship to be salvages. Despite that, I still said :

"I want hear it from Lily herself, you're not her, you can't speak for her."

"How arrogant Snape. I'll see what I can do for you." And she went back in the Gryffindors' Common Room to call Lily for me. She took a while to be back and I couldn't hear what she's told her, but she came back without my Lily flower, so I asked her :

"What took you so long and where's Lily?"

"She's not there and she isn't willing to see you _Snape_." She said my name ever so acerbically. I said in return :

"Thanks Mary, but I want to see her now, and I'd sleep here tonight if she doesn't see me!" I was threatening her friend, not meaning to go at Mary, but I was so angry with myself and besides myself Lily would do that to me.

At last, I saw my Lily flower as angry as me and red-faced coming out of the Gryffindor Tower. The first thing I said to her was :

"I'm so sorry Lily, will you forgive me for my mistake?"

"Mistake? Mistake? I don't it was one. You see me as a lowly and dirty-blooded person now. I was deluded by your seeming sincerity, but I should have known better." I sensed someone Potterish in her, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what, so I still pursued the conversation stubbornly :

"It was my mistake, all right! I just let it slip." Now more angry at her than myself. She didn't digest it though and said as dryly as she could :

"I don't think it was a mistake, I think you choose your _friends_ Mulciber and everyone else in Slytherin. I didn't think you cared about blood purity, but boy was I naive and innocent, was I blinded by my friendship and over a decade of knowing you. But you called me that." She kept on saying.

"I'm sorry all right. It's all my fault!" I kept saying sounding as desperate and as apologetic as I could, but still Lily was a headstrong girl and said :

"This insult has ironed in me, you consider me a Mudblood and since you've chosen your Slytherin friends and I've chose mine, there isn't need for me to be with you any longer."

"But Lily _please_!" I was begging, no imploring her now almost on my knees.

"No, Sev, I thank you for all your friendship, but no more you're seeing me as a Mudblood now, so yeah, I'm sorry." And then she left without even looking back at me.

After Lily rejected my useless pleas and apologies, I wandered in the Castle's grounds. For how long I didn't know, but for a very very long time and I didn't notice I was already deep in the Forbidden Forest. Then, I saw someone hooded advancing towards me. Who was that? Little did I know I'd meet "_Lord Voldemort_" in such a frail form.

"Lumos!" I said and looked at the hooded figure accordingly. It revealed someone with a ghostly body shape, not even recognizable as a human being.

"Who are you?"

"I am Lord Voldemort and here looking for you and watching you for a while."

"I've heard about you. What do you want from me, my Lord?"

"My Lord, so Macnair and Dolohov did recruit you for me?"

"Yes they did. Can you tell how to get my love back from my enemy?"

"Yes and many other things, such like how to make your enemies suffer."

"And I already swore into your service."

"Do you swear your loyalty to me?"

"Yes my Lord." I bowed to him trusting him entirely then after Lily's spitting rejection. The weak Dark Lord then used me and exploited my vulnerability and my desperate attachment for Lily. And that was how I ruined my life, loosing the love of my life and falling for the dark side's allure, all in the same year and day.

From that moment on, I was a new Severus Snape, trying to forget about Lily, but it was hard for to ignore her still. I held onto my lingering feelings for her, but the man named "Lord Voldemort" helped me through my despair and I plunged myself deeper into the Dark Arts, though never agreeing with my new Master's philosophy about Muggle-Borns and Half-Bloods. I didn't know then he was only Half-Wizard himself like me.

Thanks for commenting!


	7. How I got to be her Boyfriend

In James's PoV again

Hello everyone, I was James Potter, because of course, everybody died in this world either magical or Muggle. But being born in the Wizarding would have made me live longer, if not for the fact that I fell in love with Lily Evans, the only woman I wanted, no needed in my life. To others and to her at the beginning, I was a playboy, a flirt, but truly and in reality my heart and soul only belonged to her. She was my only one my only love, but I shared this with Severus Snape and I wasn't a very generous person, I was rather selfish and unthoughtful to say the truth about me. But all that changed when I've been in such long contact and years of friendship with Moony. Speaking of which, did I say in a previous chapter of my life, I suspected him to be with Padfoot in a relationship, so just to confirm with Padfoot and Moony both, I asked them directly one day before a Quidditch match :

"So are you two together or what?" I wasn't a very tactful person as a boy either, well, I could be very charming to girls, but in truth I was a very blunt and direct and bold young boy of between 15 and 16 now, growing into an adult, well almost young, I was still young and sweet and very desirable to many women, but I wanted only my Lily Flower.

"Yes, you've seen us kissing, haven't you, Prongs?"

"No Padfoot, but I suspected you guys might be in relationship or something."

"You did?"

"Yes, ever since the beginning I suspected something was going on between you two. And I didn't exactly see you kissing, snogging or anything the like, but I had sneaky tiny suspicion about you two."

"Well now you know."

"And you know what Prongs, Padfoot's parents are going to disown him for hanging out with us."

"Really? Why?"

"Oh, you know why because you're not all Pure-Bloods and Rem's a werewolf and a Half-Blood to boot!"

"Oh well, you could live with me Padfoot."

"Would your parents accept me though?"

"I'm sure they would, Sirius."

"Are you sure about this, Prongs? And I can't have him in my house, my lycanthropy is too dangerous for him."

"Well, we are now all unregistered Animagi, we could go around the Castle all we like and we can accompany you, Moony when you'll be a wolf. Your lycanthropy won't affect us in animal forms."

"You'd do that for me Prongs?"

"Aren't we all brothers, so what are we waiting for? I say we do it the next full moon, Moony."

"Are you really certain this won't affect you guys at all?"

"Not in animal form, you can scream your wolfish sounds all you want on us Moony."

"Thank you guys, you're my best friends ever."

"We're brothers for life, that's why we're the Marauders, right Wormtail?"

"Yeah." Wormtail was only quietly listening to the conversation, not saying a word to us. I should have known something was wrong with him, but then again I wasn't a Seer.

Although things didn't really heat up until after that fateful Quidditch match, which pushed my flower girl into my arms right after. I'd spare you the details of it since Snivelly who snivelled must already have told you all about it, but I'd say this much : I started it despite having promised Mary her most intimate friend I wouldn't call Snape Snivelly or Snivellus. I still kept the habit about that after my marriage to Lily Evans, but that I'll tell you all about it later on. Let me begin by the details I remembered from it since my memory as my eyesight were both poor. I just remembered vividly Macnair, Dolohov and Snape and the Slytherin gang harassing my Lily flower after I called _Snape _"Snivellus" again. But then, he said to my girl, no doubt encouraged by his Slytherin and Pure-Blood friends :

"_Mudblood_!"

"Come one Lily, why are you with him? You know I wouldn't have called you that."

Then I remembered seeing Lily not gracing me an answer and running towards the Castle without any doubts crying her eyes out. I waited a while before going after her, letting the impacting incident go off for a while when I've heard one of Snivellus' friends telling him to not go after her. That was my chance, I told myself, so go after her I did and I followed her into the girls' bathrooms. Her eyes were red with puffiness from her crying and dry as well. I opened the doors, not caring it was a girls' bathrooms and went in to comfort my girl, but she turned her ashen face to me and asked me :

"Mary?" She was hoping I were her friend, which was natural of course, but I denied being Mary since I wasn't her.

"No, I'm James."

"Potter, what are you doing here, gloating over your winning or your victory over Sev?"

"No, I'm here for you and only you, can't you give me a chance?"

"Fine, but one thing wrong and I'd keep on ignoring you."

I seized my chance to comfort her in my solid, warm and strong arms. Thank Merlin for my arms! For me I was content and happy just being there with her. I could be humble when I wanted to, just as I could be a pig and a hot-head too.

And that was how I got her into my arms, consoling her about her loss and making sure she knew I understood her feelings of loss. I thought she started to fall for me then, but no, it wasn't until I saved her life once we both got to be Auror trainees in the secret Order of the Phoenix by Dumbledore. Now she didn't snub me down anymore nor rebuke me during the meetings. Once we were alone in the Headmaster's office, she and I and heard the man Dumbledore, who was a bit off his rocker, but a skilled and old wise Wizard.

"I've put you here together, because you're going to work on Macnair's cases and Malfoy's cases together."

"Why James and I and what happened?"

"Because you're the most talented ones ever and because they escaped the school one night." The man knew how to flatter us both, but luckily Lily didn't protest. And after that, the old secretive and manipulative man told me to wait outside the office, he had something to tell Lily and I separately. And so I did for a while and had nothing to do. While I was waiting I talked to the Gargoyles guarding the old bearded man's Headmaster's office.

"Your turn, Potter."

"Yes, what about Headmaster?"

"Because you're a skilled Wizard, I'm charging you to protect her and to save her at all costs."

"Why, something bad's going to happen to her?"

"Yes, she thinks she's clever, but Macnair and Malfoy could be deceiving and foul people, so

I'm putting you in charge to protect her secretly from the sidelines."

"And what did you tell Lily and what do get from this?" I asked as a Joke, but the Headmaster took it seriously and told me

"That's between she and I and don't ask her because I asked her to make an Unbreakable Vow to promise me she won't tell anyone else. And about what you get, well you'll get her eternal gratefulness and maybe something more"

"Fine." I said a bit sourly leaving his office without wishing him good night. And because I had a lot on my mind, I didn't foresee Lily would be so strong-willed or pig-headed to go out alone and fight Macnair, Malfoy and everyone else.

Dumbledore the wise old man informed me of that. I rushed to her aid when I heard that."Oh Merlin, I just hope I won't be too late for her." Just then, Snivellus the Prefect spotted me running in a secret passageway and had to ambush me :

"Potter, up in the night, 50 points from Gryffindor."

"Look Snape, I don't got the time to play with you right now, Lily's in danger." Apparently, this did the trick on my nemesis. Regardless if he called her a Mudblood that day, I could see he still cared for her, so he backed off and didn't knock off more points from my house.

On my way to where Lily was, I was asking myself repeatedly and continuously : "_What was Lily thinking, she alone against all four or more?_" Maybe, just maybe with me and a little luck, I could save her life. All the while I was Apparating there, I was wishing, no hoping I wouldn't too late for her. I thought I was the only hot-head there, but apparently not, but then again, maybe she wanted revenge against them for calling her a "_Mudblood_?" Yet again that didn't seem right to me because Lily wasn't vengeful at all and she forgave almost everyone, even her enemies. This was something I had to ask her, but afterwards.

So when I got there, she was duelling all four at once. And I must say it was a magnificent scene, but as talented as Lily was as a duellist, she was outnumbered, and with the element of surprise, which was me, we won. But just then her life was hanging by a thread, and I just saw the "Avada Kedavra" curse was about to escape from Malfoy's lips, but I quickly yelled without any second thoughts :

"Expelliarimus!" Before he could even utter the curse and that saved my Lily flower's life at least for now. I then Apparated us all to Hogwarts' grounds, because I couldn't Apparate us inside the Castle as it was warded, only House-Elves could. A House-Elf named Trinky greeted us :

"Bring her to the infirmary, she's fatally wounded."

"But she escaped death, that's the most important." Lily must have heard me as I held her firmly in my arms to the infirmary.

"Madam Pomfrey, please do anything for her."

"Oh the poor dear, let me look at her, you can stay besides her while I do so." While the Hogwarts' Medi-Witch was seeing to her physical wounds, I was there besides her at all times. She had fainted there and there, she wasn't strong enough for four. For how long was she in a coma I didn't know but I was afraid and scared for her life, with Madam Pomfrey frowning from time to time, so I dared to ask her :

"Madam Pomfrey, how is she?"

"Recovering, she'll wake up sometime today. It was luck that you were there, I'd tell her so myself, but you're there, so yes, it's your moment with her, I'll leave you two alone." Madam Pomfrey I liked since she was a polite, and non too intrusive healer, when her business was done with her patient, she left us two alone. I was alone with her and thought about what to tell her and everything. The silence was awkward and everything. I thought of declaring my love to her, though it was too soon and I was afraid she might take it as an insult, so I waited for her to talk wake up from her deep sleep first. And she did after a good while of being unconscious :

"James?"

"Yes it's me."

"I'm alive?"

"Yes you are."

"And you saved me?"

"Yes I er did." I tried my best to sound humble as Mary Macdonald advised me that day. But she threw her arms impulsively around me and said :

"Thank you James my Toerag."

"Anytime, Lily."

And this was a few days after I saved her life, I wanted to ask her many things, so while I was chatting with her at the Gryffindor dinner table, I asked her abruptly :

"Say Lily Flower, why did you go after them yourself?"

"I guess I wanted to work without you, but I couldn't do it without you, so thanks again for saving my life and I did want to prove it to them I was a real Witch." So she did feel challenged by them, I was about to tell her she shouldn't have minded them, but Padfoot intruded on us :

"Wow Evans, that's a big change from you constantly calling him a Toerag and always declining his invitations." He could be a little insensitive sometimes, so I told him :

"Why don't you go and shag Moony right now?"

"Fine." He said then just a tad bit sourly.

"They're in a relationship?" asked my Lily incredulously and wide-eyed.

"Yeah, but what about our relationship, are we friends or something else?"

"Friends for sure, but I'd like to go on a little date with you to Hogsmeade."

"Really, you'd give me this chance, Lily?"

"Yes, I already did give you a chance when you comforted while Sev called me that."

"So you want us to be girlfriend and boyfriend or just friends? I'm letting you choose."

"Wow James, I never thought you could be so respectful towards women."

"Well, I'm a perfect gentleman." I said maybe just a tidbit too vain then because she said back to me :

"Well, let me think being your girlfriend then." I was hugely disappointed, it must have shown on my face as my flower girl said again :

"I was teasing you, you saved my life, so of course, I agree to be your girlfriend."

"Oh, that's the best day of my life Lily! And it's near my birthday too, thanks for the birthday present."

"No problem, Prongs." This was too much for me so I hugged her. I finally got my Lily flower and she didn't refuse me anymore either physically or not. I was happy, elated and sorry if I forgot to tell you all about how my date went with her, but I'll let her tell about this from her own perspective.

Please R&R thanks everyone!


	8. Why I asked my Toerag on a Date?

Lily's PoV

Oh hello everybody, me again Lily Evans. What possessed me to ask James the Toerag on a date you might ask? Well, everything has got a beginning and let me start by it's beginning. The school's Headmaster Dumbledore, a very charismatic and a great leader as well as a very skilled wizard was approaching students for the Order of the Phoenix. He told the whole school to watch about a Dark Lord named "Lord Voldemort." Now why did I tell you all this to start off with? Because it's got everything to do with why I asked him to a date myself and why I asked him to be his girlfriend. This made me see his more positive side. How so? Let me tell you how everything developed from the beginning so you don't get confused by my story. So Dumbledore was recruiting volunteers to fight off the dark power on the rise and I volunteered of course, it was my dream to work for that man, who represented everything good to me. I listened to his speeches about "greater good" and everything.

But boy did I get the surprise of my life when James Potter was there too during the Auror in training meetings. To say I tolerated his presence was the understatement of my 6th year at Hogwarts. I asked during the first meeting :

"Potter, what are you doing here?" And he answered me just as pompously as before :

"Why, the same thing as you, I am here for the Auror trainee program, the Order of the Phoenix."

So with Order the Phoenix meetings and studies and everything else in between, I had no time to grieve over my friend Severus's loss. So one day after class I took it out on the poor innocent Mary Macdonald who had done nothing to me, my long-time and best friend in Gryffindor, but she was very understanding and held no grudge over me for it. I said to her :

"You were right Mary about Sev. I should have listened to you."

"But you were blinded by the Snake's attachment towards you, it's quite understandable Lily. So now you'll give James a chance?"

"Of course not the Toerag thinks he's so handsome he can have any girl in the world. Well, I'll show him he can't have me, the heart of his desire."

"You're awfully determined Lily aren't about this?"

"About what?"

"Giving him a hard time."

"Yes I am, and with his relentlessly pursuing me without thinking about how I _feel _for him."

"What do you feel for him?"

"Some newly awakened thoughts and feelings I guess, I'm exactly sure what yet now."

"Yet again understandable Lily. Just by the way, I've talked to the Marauders, they're not bad, give them each a chance, especially James. He is genuinely interested in you."

"Well, he'll have to prove his sincerity to me. Plus, I haven't gotten over Sev yet. I'll need time for that."

"Of course I understand Lily, it's a big blow to you."

"Yes, I never thought he'd call me that nor that he cared so much about blood purity."

"If you ask me Lily, I think blood purity is something so fickle and superficial, you can't judge a person by that and James doesn't seem to judge you by that."

"He's gotta prove it to me though."

"My can you be thick-headed sometimes."

"Say Mary, do you have a crush on James? Cause if you do, you could help me with him and I'd gladly give him to you."

"No I don't, where did you get your idea from?"

"I just thought maybe, maybe…." I let it trail off frailly.

"Because I'm always been defending him, is that why you think I have a crush on him?"

"Yeah, you nailed it Mary."

"No, I just want you to be together with him and I just wish for his happiness with you. You yourself don't even know how happy he feels around you."

"Enough talking about James the Toerag, let's talk about Sev. So Mary according to you, how come I've never seen the dark side in him?"

"Because you were too engrossed by his seeming sincerity towards you. But I'm telling you if you gave James a chance, you'd see how sincere, honest and genuine and true he could be too."

"James again, let's focus on Sev please and how he called me _that_. But it just happened all so suddenly. It's going to be printed in my memory forever."

"Are you ever going to forgive him?"

"I don't think I can even if I wanted to, Mary. Thanks for the talk."

"Anything, I'm your best friend, am I not?" She asked as if to confirm our already established friendship.

"Yes, but my dilemma is that I still care about Sev you know Mary."

"I know, there there." She said trying to console me over my grief and patting me on my right shoulder gently comfortingly. Boy it felt good to me.

"Thanks a lot Mary for the talk again."

"Anytime and anything for you, Lily, we're best friends and sisters aren't we?"

"Yes we are."

That night because of my heart-to-heart talk with Mary Macdonald, I felt less troubled about Severus. I knew I should turn this page of my life and let him go, yet while I was acid to him in the Gryffindor Tower, how could I forget more than years of knowing each other? And maybe of love? At times I sensed and felt he cared about me as more than a friend, but the internal turmoil and the conflict I felt that night and the rest of my nights were forever haunted by his calling me a Mudblood. Had he called me anything else I would have forgiven him. I was reflecting back on that life-changing memory of my life : he called a "Mudblood." And that was what caused me to see different things in him I've never seen before, but Mary and James kept warning me about him : his darkness and his Slytherin ways. I never knew he was this much into the Dark Arts and Purity of Blood. I was aware of it after several nights of thinking over it, I should have seen this coming from him, yet you could never know how deeply I was hurt by his insult even if I did know about it beforehand. "_Mudblood_." Under these conflicting thoughts in me, how could I begin things anew with Potter like Mary suggested to me? Maybe if I did that, that would take Severus off my mind, but he was already too deep in my heart, and I still cared about him even though I refused to forgive him and will probably never forgive him, I still felt lingering feelings for him perhaps. But I wasn't delusional about our relationship being salvageable : I knew it wasn't. I couldn't go back to before. And I felt his eyes on me during mealtimes, break times between classes and everything else.

Although enough talk about Sev. I should forget about him. Yet how can I when we've been childhood friends and sweethearts? I was sure he also felt it as much as I did, hence why I absolutely refused to forgive him at that moment when he asked, I was still enraged. But why was I talking about him again? I wanted to tell you all about James and I and how I got to ask him to be my boyfriend and how he got to be my life saviour and everything else.

I'd start by saying that I wasn't usually rash, but Mulciber, Malfoy and everyone in his circle of friends really got to me with that Mudblood insult. Not that I cared too much about _them_ calling me _that_. It was because I blamed them for Sev's loss in my life. Sev was if I remembered things right, encouraged and enflamed by them. And he called me Mudblood all because of them. So when Dumbledore approached me to catch them because they were out of school and he's spotted them doing shady and dark activities such as Muggle torturing and going out at night meeting a mysterious someone and everything else, I was overly enthusiastic about it.

"Miss Evans and Mr. Potter, you'll both work on Macnair's, Dolohov's and Malfoy's cases."

"Why Potter and I and what happened?"

"Because you two are the best trainees in the Order and they've escaped the school at night. I want you to discover their nightly activities and to report to me if you find the person they're meeting with. I'm not sure exactly who it is, but I have some vage idea."

"Is it Lord Voldemort?"

"Maybe it is, maybe not. And don't call him that, call him : 'You-know-who' because he's put a Curse on his name and trust me you don't want him here at Hogwarts."

"Of course not Professor."

Then the old, wise cryptic and mysterious HeadMaster said :

"I'd like to talk to both of you alone, Lily first please." So I stayed while Potter went out of his oval office.

"So what about Headmaster?"

"Well Lily, you'll have to be careful from now on because Tom Riddle has seen a Seer and said your son is going to be the death of him, and he'll come and hunt you down."

"He can't hunt me down now, if he's as weak and frail as you say Headmaster."

"But he'll get powerful once Macnair, Dolohov and yes, Severus Snape give him a full body. That must never happen."

"Why?"

"Because then the whole wizarding world would be in jeopardy."

"So he's heard a prophecy about my son and wants to kill me? Well, all I have to do is to kill him and his followers first."

"Miss Evans, they are Slytherins and could play foul and be deceiving."

"Yes I know, but let me try first to get them if I can and I can prove to them what a little _Mudblood_ like me can do to them!"

"This really got to you right?"

"Not as much as Sev calling me that." Then I couldn't crying a torrential rain wetting his beautiful oval room. But the Headmaster dried my tears and himself and told me :

"I think you should give both men a chance."

"I can't forgive Sev and I'm trying to see the good in James."

"Great Lily, but I just want you to spy on them nothing more."

"Yes Headmaster."

Even though I verbally agreed with the Headmaster, I still went after Macnair, Dolohov and the rest because I blamed them all for Sev's loss. Why did I do that? Well first as I told you before, I wanted to show them what I was capable of. Then it turned awry, Macnair started the "Avada Kedavra curse" and I had overestimated myself and my abilities in duelling. I've never duelled anyone before because I wasn't so confrontational, but I was doing my best against four, using all the spells I've learned in school against them, but they were taught by their dark master no doubt, and knew magic I knew not. So I thought my last moment came when James Potter out of nowhere shouted :

"Expelliarimus." Then he took my hand and Apparated us at Hogwarts' entrance where a House-Elf named Trinky waited on us. I was in his arm unconscious since I battled myself all four against one.

While I was in a comatose state, I heard some vague voices like from above, namely James Potter's and Madam Pomfrey. Even though I wasn't conscious, I could still hear people talking and discussing about me and felt Potter with me during all that time. It was that moment I think, when I was semi-conscious that I saw Potter's value as a man and I started to fall for him. Well, first he heroically saved my life and I had some idea about who told him I was duelling Dolohov and the Slytherin gang at once and where I was : Dumbledore. So the man was also worried about my safety as well as James. When I woke up the next few days, I saw James by my side and asked :

"James?"

"Yes it's me Lily."

"I am alive?"

"Yes and you saved me?"

"Yes I did." I could see he was trying very hard not to sound condescending or haughty or anything the like and I appreciated that in him.

"Thank you." I said as I hugged him impulsively in my arms. Then after a while, he asked me :

"Will you go on a date to Hogsmeade with me?"

"Yes and will you my boyfriend?"

"Evans, usually the boy asks."

"But I'm not traditional."

So that was why I asked my Toerag on a date and to be my boyfriend after he saved my life. Then I quite frankly thought my life was hanging by one thread and it was going to end there and then, but James Potter saved me.

And now it was time for me to tell you all about my date with James, which for romantic people, I was pretty sure you were dying to know it went. So how shall I begin? By the beginning of course. I never thought James could be so thoughtful and respectful towards me, he never once cracked a single Joke about Sev while I was with him in the Leaky Cauldron. We had a casual talk at the Leaky Cauldron, him having firewhiskey and I had simple Butterbeers. And boy was he gorgeous in that Charmed suit of his and I was in a frilly Muggle dress. I thought I impressed him because he asked me :

"Where did you get the dress?"

"My mother's gave it to me. You like it?"

"Yea love it."

"So what's your favourite colour, James?" I asked changing the topic to something else than looks and dressing because I wasn't comfortable talking about looks and maybe I didn't care about that as much as he did?

"Your eyes' colour, which is Emerald Green."

"Oh stop being so cheesy James."

"Hey, I like you calling me that."

"You can call me Lily Flower if you want too, but why do you call me that?"

"Because I think you're the most stunning gorgeous and beautiful red Lily I've ever seen. Sorry if I offended you when I first met you. I didn't know you had self-esteem issues and before you ask, Mary told me about it." Ahha! I knew Mary had a talk with James when he stopped calling me that some years ago.

"So that's why you stopped your compliments about my looks and my appearance?"

"Yes but Lily, it's with that I fell in love with, not your look or body. Of course, you're a very attractive girl and I can resist you?"

"There are many prettier girls than me out there?"

"You really think so? But to me, you're just the loveliest of them all flowers or girls." He said jokingly and I laughed at his jokes.

"Thanks James."

For once, I wasn't affronted by his jokes or pranks and found them funny. And that was how with the N.E.W.T year coming up and James Potter my Toerag in my life, I forgot all about Sev and had the courage to not look at him no matter how apologetic he looked whenever he glanced at me from the Slytherin Table or anywhere else in the Castle.

Thanks everyone!


	9. My growing Jealousy and Bitterness

Snape' PoV

Or my definite fall for the dark side, you may call it however you like, but I was the stern and hard-faced looking Slytherin Severus Snape whom Potter ridiculed as Snivelly or Snivellus in my childhood. But I noticed since he started dating my Lily Evans, my childhood sweetheart, he started to call me Snape, not that I minded him calling me Snivellus or Snivelly who snivelled. But the biggest of my life was to call her "Mudblood" while she rushed into my defence when he called me that. I berated myself over and over again over that. But it didn't do me any good at all since Lily wouldn't even look at me at lunch breaks or whenever I was trying to catch a glimpse from her. So I watched her from afar the remaining year, bitterness and jealousy towards my enemy the Toerag growing in me with time. I still considered Potter a boastful arrogant Toerag, perhaps I was a bit too serious, to stern and no foolishness kind of man, but he was more than boastful than anyone I've ever met. I couldn't take it anymore of his boastfulness, especially when he was with Lily while we were chatting about her at our dinner table, Mulciber, Malfoy and other Slytherins and I.

"So still in love with that Mudblood?"

"Don't call her that, you'll get us to lose the Housecup, Dolohov."

"I know you still care about her." Insisted Malfoy." The Transfiguration teacher who heard us, turned to our table swiftly and said :

"100 points from Slytherin for using that horrible word. I should clean your mouth with a proper magical mouthwash." She was a bit harsh to us but none of us protested anymore for fear that she might take off more points from our House. But she was a fair person and even punished the students in her own House : Gryffindor, unlike the Headmaster who had a favourited the Gryffindors. And that was why I esteemed the woman a lot. She was already advanced in age, and would live for a long time under these safe walls, unlike my Lily Flower, who'd die for her son, but that was another story to tell.

And now let me tell all about how I saw my "friends" from Slytherin differently. It all started with Lucius losing his position as a Prefect and me replacing him. One day he announced this to all of us in our Common Room :

"So the Headmaster thinks I'm not responsible enough for this position and you Severus Snape are to take my place."

"You're not serious?! You're Malfoy for Salazar's Sake!"

"Yeah but the pompous Muggle-Loving Headmaster decided otherwise and thought you'd be the one for the job and not me."

"Why?"

"Because I go out at night to meet someone more important than the Headmaster."

"Who? Not that Lord—"

"You-know-who, Severus or the Dark Lord, do never pronounce his name or he'd come for us. And we don't need him right now." I was a young and impressionable youth then and I didn't know exactly why, but I admired Malfoy, who was the wrong person to admire. Of course, I'd rather die than trust him, but that was just me personally. Everybody else looked up to him, because his family was the most prestigious and richest one in the world. And many women and even girls coveted him, but he was courting Narcissa Black, Sirius Black's cousin, I've heard it from Mulciber. And I also knew it was an arranged marriage, but Lucius truly loved Narcissa and she didn't return his love much, she loved somebody else and Mulciber heard it from a very reliable source of information. So I asked him in turn :

"What do you do for him?"

"All kinds of things, spy for him, get into the action and everything else and that's why I got demoted as a Prefect and you're replacing me."

"Well, good news for me but bad ones for you Lucius."

"Yes indeed, yes indeed."

He fell silent for a while and I should have known something would be up with my Lily flower but my instinct was beginning to get rusty and dusty with age. I wasn't an aging person no, but I was slowly growing into a very serious-looking kind of man and I was a lonely man. And in contrast of Malfoy who was just demoted now from his prefect and so not in a happy mood, I wasn't to intensify his unhappiness. Although interiorly I couldn't contain my joy about being a Prefect : I'll have my revenge on Potter then."

But I didn't know this would create the perfect moment for Lily to fall for Potter, my arch-nemesis. I'd tell you how it happened if you'd let me breath and just in a second of time. And I didn't the exact reason of his demotion, he was very vague about it and didn't really want to extend on it so I as his friend and brother, didn't push it further.

Apart from that, everything went not so bad for me if not for my abilities in Occlumency. You've forgotten that I was trained in Occlumency, right? The art of shutting off my feelings to others and all. I thought I was a Master at that, but the proverb was right : there was always someone better at it than you or never think you're the best at anything. But Potter didn't seem to care about it as much as I did. Why was I talking about Potter? Because ever since she's refused to forgive me, she's been with Potter. And who was she? Lily Evans of course my childhood friend and sweetheart and I couldn't bear loosing her that way and not knowing I already got her love, but lost it in such a stupid way. "_Such an imbecile I am sometimes_." At least I admitted to be one and could see my flaws, but Potter thought himself as flawless and perfect and couldn't even see his pomposity. Then I thought to myself : "_How could Lily stand him_?" And thank Merlin I had Occlumency because if not, I didn't know what I would have done to Potter, the one who took the only ray of sunshine away from me in my life. The only one who could make me smile and who didn't judge me and who I was comfortable to just be me with. Life wasn't fair, I was thinking, but that was life for me at least, Severus Tobias Snape.

Speaking of which, I needed to face her ignoring me ever since I called her that. And even more so after Potions with the Gryffindors, because she was in the Slug Club too. What was the Slug Club? Something started by Professor Slughorn, he practiced favouritism in class and that was something I was deeply critical of. I was selected for being truly talented at Potions and so was Lily and Malfoy. Needless to say, Malfoy and Lily often clashed during those meetings. But a good thing was thank Salazar Potter didn't get into the Slug's club or my 6th year would have been hell. And this was one of those meetings :

"Evans, I didn't think—" started Malfoy.

"Be careful about what you're going to say to Miss Evans, Mr. Malfoy. I handpicked her for a reason." said the Professor.

"No matter Professor Slughorn, I'll end the sentence for him : that a Mudblood like me would be chosen or handpicked as one the best potion brewers by a Pure-Blood Professor and in Slytherin to boot?"

"Exactly Evans." And thank Merlin they said no more to each other, but each Slug's Club's meeting was very tense because those two were there, Professor Slughorn tried to play the mediator between the two, though was failing miserably.

So why was telling you all this? Because this was the beginning of the enmity between my Lily and my good friend Lucius. Of course, when he and the others taunted her that was the real beginning, but I meant it intensified their enmity. And as I said during the Slug Club's meeting, there were always and constantly frictions between those two and Lucius provoked her and continuously snubbed her down. To one point where Professor Slughorn said to him after class, but I overheard with the Sonorus Charm and in a corner :

"Mr. Malfoy, if you can't be at least polite to Miss Evans, you're going to be out of Slug's Club."

"To tell you the truth, _Professor_, I could care less about your club and you should ashamed of yourself, associating with Muggle-Filth like her and other Half-Bloods."

"That's it, you're out of the Club, Malfoy."

So that evening he was in a very sour mood and I've heard his missions with the Dark Lord weren't going very well either : Potter and Lily were always in his ways. I should told Lily to stop meddling in their affairs for her safety, but would she have listened to me? No, she'd have screamed at me, so I refrained myself from going to her and telling her about Malfoy. And Potter was with her anyway. I was still hurt that she wouldn't look at me with her emerald green eyes, a bit like the Avada Kedavra curse. But why was I talking about her? Oh yes, because of her pig-headedness and her monumental stupidity in taking my friends alone in a duel. I didn't know what she was thinking, but Malfoy told me the news :

"So Mulciber, Dolohov, Macnair and I were all duelling that Mudblood girl, Evans one night she caught us after our meeting with the Dark Lord. "

"What happened then?" I pushed on the conversation, wanting to know if Lily was all right, despite her not refusing to see me.

"I was ready to Avada Kedavring her when Potter came out of nowhere and Disarmed me."

"So Potter, Potter, he saved Lily?"

"Lily, you still care for her didn't you?"

"No I don't."

"Don't be in denial, it's us and the Dark Lord or her. We are your true friends, Severus, not her, she left you for Potter your arch-nemesis."

"But I called her that."

"You mean to say you regret to have done so?"

"No no no, of course not, it's just that she's with him, not me." I admitted finally to my friends to test their reactions, and their reactions to that were indeed to snob my love for Lily down :

"She's just a little Mudblood, there are other girls out there, worthier of your blood purity."

"But the trouble is, I'm not a Pure-Blood, I'm only Half. And those girls don't want me because of that."

"And because you're unattractive and everything else, although you've got money. I've heard your parents were quite rich from buying and selling magical treasures, is that right?"

"Yeah. My father and mother all do that, they're in the antique industry. But as I was saying, these Pure-Blood and good-looking girls in Slytherin don't want me because I'm not exactly a Pure-Blood."

"But you're a Pure-Blood to us and I'll tell you what, why don't you try and date Bulstrode's little sister. I've heard she's interested in you." "_Bulstrode's little sister, that pig-faced ugly girl who thinks she's so pretty and everything? Oh Merlin no._" I was thinking that but I didn't say that out loud, instead I said :

"No thanks. I think I'll pass. And anyways how can you be safe returning at Hogwarts, you tried to Avada Kedavra her, Lucius?"

"Oh, at my hearing they said because I was underaged, I couldn't be sentenced to Azkaban, but if I did it again, I'd have to face a life-sentence in Azkaban like an adult." I wasn't particularly found of Malfoy, but to hear he had to face a life-sentence in Azkaban, I put my hand on his shoulder and said :

"Lucius, don't do it again for your and our friendship's sake."

"Yes, I won't be so foolish as to make the same mistake over again. I don't want to go to Azkaban, the prison for Dark Wizards. I've heard there are some crazies out there and you get the Dementors' kiss."

"Yes, that's what they taught us in DADA : expect patronum, the spell that could counter them."

"Yeah, anyways, it's getting late, I'm not keeping you all up."

What a year, I thought. First my friend's almost getting into Azkaban, and my getting to be a Prefect because he was deemed irresponsible and whatnot. But my next and last year at Hogwarts was going to more tortuous for me, since I was going to face Lily and Potter's wedding and her becoming Mrs. Evans Potter, a Potter and I'd have lost her forever. But then again I wasn't a Seer, so I didn't know this would happen to me.

And Merlin's or Salazar's beard, I didn't like spending time alone with my parents, but I had nowhere else to go in the Summer and without Lily, life was dull, almost no ray of sunshine even though the days were sunny and the flowers in bloom. I just didn't feel like celebrating without Lily, my childhood sweetheart. And over the Summer, I thought again about how I called her a Mudblood and how I shouldn't have. Many times, I spied on her while she was swinging on that bench when we first met, but to afraid to face her unappeased wrath and scorn.

Even though my 16th summer was a short one, it felt like an eternity to me without my Lily Flower and no doubt Potter and she were holding hands together and talking walks and stuff I should have done with her. And I thought I should be with her this summer, however fate was cruel to me and I wasn't because I lost her to my nemesis. Well, I made it possible for them to get together. It was my own fault.

But then Summer had to end too and I had to face my N.E.W.T.S. year and Potter and Lily again. My N.E.W.T.S year was just as stressful as my O.W.L year, which mean my 5th one. But one thing good came out of all this : I got to avenge myself against Potter because I was a Head Boy. So whenever he was up late or running in a secret passageway, I'd catch him and knock points off him and the Marauders, my bullies in school, although I didn't know Wormtail or Petter Pettigrew was working for the Dark Lord, my apparent Master's side.

Anyway, why was saying all this? And pardon me, I knew I tended to wander a lot in my thoughts when I can't even think clearly myself and didn't understand what was happening to me. I didn't know I was jealous, borderline obsessively jealous of Potter and always watching Lily from afar like an obsessive stalker would. I was sure though, that Lily felt my eyes on her and must think of me as someone creepy, since she was in a relationship with Potter and he made it known to the whole school Lily was his girl, not mine.

But the height of my jealousy and obsessiveness over Lily didn't stop here. I was borderline stalkerish and was aware it was unhealthy for me, but I just couldn't get her out of my mind : the scene where she was holding hands with Potter and laughing with him at the Gryffindor table and etc, playing again and again in my already dark mind.

So how did I learn about their engagement? I bet you're all burning to know about that sad sad part of my life : the love of my life was engaged to another and how could I stand this? You might ask me if you're worried me, which I'm sure you are. But anyways, here I go again : wandering about my thoughts. So how did I know Potter proposed to my Lily Flower? One evening after dinner by the end of the year, Mulciber said to me :

"Did you know Potter proposed to that Mudblood?"

"Really, when and how?"

"You don't mean, you still care for that Mudblood?"

"Yes, she's a Mudblood, go on with your story, how did Potter propose to her, he got on his knees in the Muggle way or what?"

"Well, he's got her a family Heirloom and everything and yes, he got down on his knees the _Muggle_ fashion." He said the word Muggle with as much disdain as Malfoy did in our Slug Club's meetings last year.

"And you know this because?"

"Because I've been spying on them for you, my friend. And she's just a Mudblood, don't get you care so much about her."

"Yes, she's just a Mudblood, thanks a ton Mulciber." But Mulciber was a little daft and he couldn't really sense my sarcasm so he replied with :

"No problem mate and good luck with your N.E.W.T.S, I'm going to get all 'O' and I bet you are too, and I say forget about Evans, she's Potter's girl now."

"Yeah I will, thanks for the advice and good luck too with everything."

And that was how in less than 2 years, I grew into a bitter, jealous young man and how much I hated my rival in love, I wanted to be him, to be with my Lily Flower! But it was impossible for me, time couldn't go back, time could only advance, right? And how life was ironic and unfair for me, don't you think so too?

Please read and comment everyone, thanks!


	10. My Marriage & Friend's Betrayal

James's PoV

Hello James Potter here again to tell you about how I got married to my flower girl : Lily Evans, the desire of my heart and the flame of my life. She was really the only woman I needed in my life since I started dating her last year. It has been quite some time since I started my relationship with her and a lot has happened during my school year. For example, my Auror trainee program and my interesting classes. In my final year at Hogwarts, I discovered I was mediocre in Potions, but Lily my flower girl was good at it. She was so good she got handpicked by Professor Slughorn in the Slug's Club. Snivellus or Snape must have told you about what that was. It was an elite group of talented potion brewers, which unfortunately I couldn't join in because I wasn't skilled in this school subject. I spent more of my time learning about the counter-spells in Defence against the Dart Arts and my nightlife exploring the Castle with my Marauder friends : Moony, Padfood and Wormtail. Together, we completed the Marauders' map in 7 years of exploring and roaming about the Castle, trying to not get caught at night by the Prefects or some other people with authority and power at school. But I had a mischievous side as well, did I tell you about this before? And I often with Rem had strolls and walks in the Forbidden Forest under the Whomping Willow at every full moon in my stag form ever since I and the other Marauders learnt he was a werewolf since he was a child. "_Poor Remus._" I thought then, all because the werewolf who bit him Fenrir Greyback had a thing for his father : Lyall Lupin. I commiserated with his situation and everything, but last year Sirius or Padfoot was also in a bad corner : he got disowned by his parents and own flesh and blood because they cared too much about blood purity and he didn't.

Although all that was a brief summary of what happened in my life up till now, I was a happy, healthy and good-looking boy who had the love of his life and who was content with her : Lily Evans or my Lily flower. She didn't mind me calling her that anymore, I noticed and that was big improvement on her part, her face didn't go red with anger no more when I called her that, although I missed her red face, because it made her red hair stand out even more. I loved her beautiful and stunning and lovely red hair, which matched perfectly with her exquisite emerald green eyes, like the Avada Kedavra curse. Sorry if I were repeating myself, but that was what I noticed the most when I first met her : her emerald eyes and her red auburn hair, a beautiful and vivacious colour.

I didn't know it then that she had self-esteem problems, and she didn't me when I told her she was beautiful, but now everything was completely changed : she loved it when I told her how beautiful and stunningly gorgeous she was to me and she was the most beautiful Lily I've ever seen in my entire life. She would later then become my wife and give birth to my only son and the only heir to the Potters' line : Harry, but that was going to be another story and not for me to tell, but my son to tell you. The day she'd be my wife would have to be the best in my life, besides me getting her and everything else.

And Lily I noticed would get sometimes a little jealous and possessive of me, which I loved in our relationship. She was the one who told everyone I was dating her, not me. But a girl in Ravenclaw, a younger girl, blond and a quarter-Veela wanted me, but I wanted none of her, since I worked so hard to get my Lily flower and deep down, I was a one-on-one guy, I wasn't polygamous or I didn't believe in that. So today, she was talking to this girl and told her :

"Jame's mine, so you can turn off your Veela charms on him." I found that very sweet and caring of Lily, which I immediately told her so afterwards :

"Lily, that was so sweet."

"Well, you didn't to say that as it was my job to tell her off."

"And she wasn't respecting us as a couple."

"James Potter, preaching about respect! Is the wizarding world ending?" I really her overly exaggerated and dramatic antics.

"No, but I just love to know you care enough about me, Lily."

"Because you're mine now, I'm not going to let a Veela get in our way." She said fiercely and I agreed with her, but I still said playfully :

"Do I detect some jealousy in you, Lily Flower?"

"No, I'm not jealous, but the Ravenclaw Veela had no business in our relationship." She said a bit possessively and I liked it just a bit too much.

"You're right Lily."

Then I hugged her close, smelling her natural scent. She smelt like incense and everything else. What a great scent on her. Did she put perfume or was it really natural? Because you see why I wasn't attracted to the Veela it was because she wasn't a natural beauty like my Lily, she couldn't even compare to her and she didn't even know how precious she was to me until the day I got down on my knee and proposed to her.

Of course, the proposal was to make her Snivellus or all right Snape for her sake jealous. And I thought the guy was going beyond obsessive about her, he was a danger to her and our relationship. But just before that, another guy had also his eyes on my Lily Flower and it took me 6 years of my life to get her and I wasn't going to let that guy have her. That guy's name : Douglas Mcmillian, who would be Ernie Macmillian's paternal uncle. One day I had enough of him always around my Lily, trying to get her flowers and the like, so I told him :

"Back off, she's _my_ girl."

"Potter, are you sure?" He dared to challenge me.

"Yes I do."

After I got him off my Lily's back and stopped him from harassing Lily, I noticed I got better results in Potions because I was always partnered up with her and I loved every moment of it, even though I was never good enough to be admitted inte the prestigious Slug's Club for best potion makers. I didn't thrive to be the best in eveything, unlike Lily. So one day after potions, I asked her :

"Say Lily, why do you always want to be the best?"

"Because I'm a Muggle-born in a Wizarding world, I want to prove it to the entire whole world I am the best Witch in the wizarding history. Plus I want to prove that Muggle-borns can also do magic just as good as those arrogant Pure-Bloods."

"You're talking about Mulciber, Malfoy and their lot?"

"Yes you got me, James."

Ever since that meaningful conversation I had with her, I got closer and closer to her, we were almost inseparable, making Snivellus, oh pardon Snape for her sake only, extremely jealous. He was knocking points off my House as much as he could. But I've heard he's only got to be Head Boy position in Slytherin because the Headmaster deemed Malfoy to be unfit to be one. I chuckled at that and though : "_How Malfoy must be pissed off at Dumbledore!_" Who Lily and I admired immensely for his charisma, his energy and his speeches about right or wrong. And he stirred us Lily and I to join the Order of the Phoenix, the Order against the rising Dark Lord, who hated Muggles and Muggle-Borns. My future son Harry Potter would be able to tell you more about him, I was only fighting against him with the Longbottoms. Those poor Longbottoms, I've heard one day they've been tortured into insanity by Bellatrix Black then, Padfoot's mad paternal cousin. But she later on married Roldolphus Lestrange, whom Snivelly, oh pardon Snape hanged out with as well. I really didn't understand how my innocent and sweet Lily could like a dark, shady guy like him. Plus these Slytherins were treacherous and sly, didn't she know that already? Apparently not since she had to be friends with him. Well now she knew ever since Snivelly called her that insult. I myself was even astonished that he dared to call her that, his best friend and one he "loved." I seriously doubted he loved her as much as I did, but I didn't tell Lily that either, for fear that she might not like me as much anymore.

And Lily, speaking of which, she started telling me about her sister thinking of her as a freak and how it was hurting and affecting her. I listened as much as I can to her ramblings and mad ravings at times.

"Why do you care about Tuney so much then?" I asked her once when she was raving and ranting about it.

"Because she's my big sister, she should love me."

"Emphasis on the should. You know I don't think of you as a freak or anything like that."

"Oh James, I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have you."

"No, I'm the luckiest guy in the word to have you, my Lily. Will do me the honour to be Mrs. Evans Potter after Hogwarts?" Wide-eyed, she asked me :

"Are you serious?" I had to admit it was an on a spur of the moment proposal and I got down on my knees to make her see that I was being serious and not playing with her.

"Yes I am Lily. I mean, we've been in a good, stable, solid and strong relationship for almost a year now."

"Are you certain you want to be with me the rest of your life?"

"Why are you hesitating, Lily, what's the matter?"

"Give me a few days and I'll answer you." She said mystically and cryptically.

I never knew her to be this mysterious, but sure enough after a few days, she told me very seriously :

"But James, you won't have long to live if you marry me."

"Why do you say all of a sudden?"

"Because you see, when Dumbledore wanted to me alone without you, it was to tell that my son or the Longbottoms', is the one who's going to defeat the Dark Lord and he's going to hunt us and my son down. You won't have many years to live with me, I'd suggest you to choose somebody else, James."

"How could you even say that? I love you and I'll protect your son so he'd live on and we'll get through this together."

"Oh James, but it's going to be a boring life, without much action and everything, it'd be a life in hiding after Hogwarts, think about it clearly."

"I've thought about it, I'll go ask Dumbledore to hide us from him with the Fidelius Charm, our secret keeper would be Sirius."

"Black, how can you trust him?" She asked me and I knew she still had some qualms about him, but I reassured her :

"Don't worry, he'll be just the man for the situation. When he was 16, he got disowned and went to our house for a while and my parents treated him like their son."

"I see why you trust Black."

"Can't you call him Sirius or Padfoot?"

"I'll try, but they're your friends, not mine." She protested a bit. She was so cute when she was this way and I couldn't wait for he to be mine. "_Oh Hogwarts, please be over soon so I can marry the woman of my dreams and heart!" _I thought interiorly.

So I did two things in my final year at Hogwarts and I settled some things with Dumbledore, the man who I absolutely trusted. But he asked me the same question as Lily :

"Can Black be trusted with the task?"

"Yes, he's one of my friends, Dumbledore. I didn't know you doubted my judgement of his loyalty."

"I don't doubt him nor you, it's Wormtail I'm worried about."

"Wormtail, why are you bringing him up? He's got nothing to do with it?" I suspected then he's got some Seer's abilities or skills or he wouldn't have said that.

"Nothing, don't mind me. I'm just an old cranky man with strange ideas." He said, not willing to answer me and I respected that he's got secrets of his own. "_But why did he warn about Wormtail? Isn't he a Marauder too? Huummm, food for thought._"

It was finally my graduation and the Headmaster made a motivation speech to all 7th years. I've chosen to be an Auror, although after my life as a Hogwarts student, just as Lily told me beforehand, I felt a bit useless, not being in the action and everything else. But I had my life with Lily and I lived with her at Godric's Hollow, protected by the Fidelius Charm and Padfoot immediately agreed to be our secret keeper. I saw that Lily was unhappy her own blooded sister didn't come at the wedding and she defending me when Tuney called me a freak too.

"Tuney, now you stop it, he's not a freak, he's a person just like you!" She said defending me when Petunia called me a freak the first she met me. Although I forgot quickly about the incident, Lily didn't and couldn't forgive her sister for calling her husband a freak. I understood her unhappiness.

But all that was well, and you might wonder something after my marriage to Lily, the only woman I loved, how did the Dark Lord on the rise get to our place anyways? It was quite a story to tell. And let me begin by it's beginning. This occurred after my son named Harry was born in Godric's Hollow, with Mrs. Arabella Figgs', a Squib's help. Lily gave birth to my son in our bathtub. I enlarged for my wife and my son to be there.

"Engorgio!" I shouted pointing my wand at the bathtub.

Harry's birth brought me many joys, but also many stresses and he was part of the reason why I wasn't able to be an active member of the Order of the Phoenix. But I wasn't concerned about Harry's imminent death, because I was protected by my best friend and most trusted Marauder : Sirius Black or Padfoot.

But how did I end up dead prematurely anyway? Let me tell you all about it now. It was some months after Harry's birth and he looked just like me : he had dark hair, but he had my Lily's eyes and Sirius was there, as his Godfather and suggested to us :

"Use Wormtail, he'd never suspect him."

"But I trust you, Sirius."

"Lily, he'd never even know about Wormtail being your secret-keeper and he's a Marauder too."

I shouldn't have listened to Sirius then, it was my mistake to trust him too much, and I said to my Lily, who was worried sick because a Dark Lord was going to kill Harry, my and her own flesh and blood. Lily loved Harry as much as I and wanted to see him alive, surviving the Dark Lord. So I told Sirius :

"All right, we'll try your plan, Padfoot. I trust your judgement of Wormtail, you're closer to him than I am anyways. And you know him more than I do."

"So it's settled then?" asked Padfoot while playing with baby Harry, my son and his Godson.

"Yes, Wormtail, he'll be our secret-keeper." Lily nodded to it too, when at first she disagreed with it and I should have listened to my wife and Dumbledore, my father figure at Hogwarts.

So that was how I was ratted out by Wormtail. No doubt upon his appointing as our secret-keeper, he told the Dark Lord right away. He was already "He who musnt' be named" then or people called him "You-know-who" because people were afraid of him and Harry my son, would play a vital to destroy him and his dark designs for the Wizarding World. I thought it was all worth it but I didn't know what Lily thought of it. So one day, while holding at dinner, I asked Lily :

"Say what do you think of He who mustn't be named or You-know-who?"

"I think he's just a wannabe dark wizard, the Order of the Phoenix can defeat him easily."

"I think you're underestimating him as a wizard."

"You think he can kill us? We're protected by our most trusted friends."

"Yes Lily, while I'm glad you see them as your friends now, I don't want you to underestimate him, because maybe he has ways to know about our secret."

"I don't see how, we'll so well protected by the Fidelius Charm." I was totally Lily could trust the Marauders this way, but I just couldn't help but feel there might be something that could cause our perfect plan to go awry. And Wormtail was the cause. So one day, while Lily and I were singing "Happy Birthday" to Harry, our son :

"Happy Birthday Harry!" Lily sang and I did with her too.

He who mustn't be named Flooed to Godric's Hollow and he was suddenly there, making Lily and I surprised, a nasty shock on our faces.

"So, that's going to be your sticky end, Potter Harry!"

"No, _please_ don't kill my son!" I said disarming him first, but he went again at Harry's, with "Avada Kedevra." Maybe it was a Mother's instinct or something, but my Lily flower shielded my son with herself, putting herself between the Dark Wizard and my son while I witnessed my own beloved wife Lily Evans Potter die for my son. While I thought this was worth it, I didn't like her sacrifice for my own flesh and blood. "_She shouldn't have been dead for Harry_." I thought dejectedly and blaming my innocent baby Harry for her death in my most heart-breaking moment.

Though in my grief, I didn't see the Dark Lord pointing his wand at me and uttering the Killing Curse again.

"Avada Kedavra!"

My body slowly got numb, lifeless like stone on the floor while I saw only a flash of green light right across my glassed eyes and asked drawing a last breath :

"Why Wormtail?!"

And that was the end of me, betrayed by a Marauder, someone I trusted wholly and entirely, maybe my fault was to be to trusting of my Marauders : my best mates in Gryffindor. All the things I believed in while I was alive : the afterlife and everything else, there wasn't any after life. I felt my vitality and life sucked out of my body as I was laying dead in Godric's Hollow.

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	11. My Mother and Woman Instinct

Lily's side of things

So I was Lily Evans all during my school years. I was single till I met James Potter my Toerag. But something was going between Sev and I before him. So hence why I couldn't forget completely and wholly about him, nor give myself fully to the man I was with now : James Potter. I'd say I was in a virtual love triangle, created by myself and my mind. Because my mind was imprisoned in the past and I dwelt on it, making my man jealous from time to time.

And granted, initially I was with James to make Sev jealous, but then I realized how ridiculous I was being and stopped doing that and I also thought about how James would feel if he knew about this. And this was all happening in my 7th and final year as a Hogwart's student. My chosen life work was an Auror, so I was an Auror trainee since my 5th year at Hogwarts. I loved my job and luckily James too chose this profession. And I could see he took it very seriously, something I thought previously he wasn't capable of : seriousness. And that was why I was fooled by Sev's seriousness about me, and about everything else. But after he called that awful name, I wasn't able to forgive him nor neither to move on and let go of him. What a tangled web I was in : I was with a man whom I didn't fully love, and I loved another who loved me in return or so I thought he did.

Speaking about Sev, he was always trying to look at me so apologetically, so imploringly, as if begging no imploring for my forgiveness. But I was inflexible, he had dared to call me that so I couldn't forgive him at all. My heart was dead set against it and I put my mind to it now. Slowly, I was forgetting about Sev. Yet how could I fully forget all these memories? Of when he told me I was a Witch? Yet he had called me that. That was the last straw for me. I couldn't forgive even if I wanted to as I told Mary my friend in Gryffindor. Mary was my best friend in Gryffindor and she saw right through me and said to me :

"Say Lily, you still love Severus, don't you?"

"Yes kind, I still can't forget about him. He was the first person from this world I met."

"But you know he's not respecting you as a person, he thinks of you as you-know-what."

"Yes Mary I know all this, but he was my childhood friend."

"Don't you go and dwell on that, it's not good for your relationship with James, you know."

"Yes I know that Mary, but are you 100% sure you don't like James, even a tiny wee bit?"

"No, in fact Lily, I'm in a relationship right now."

"Oh, with who?"

"Creevy."

"Oh I see who it is, I'm so happy for him" As I genuinely was happy for her, I threw my arms around her and she liked it and I stopped about having doubts about her liking my James. "_My James? Since when was he my James?" _I thought to myself. Oh yeah, since I started a relationship with him and abandoned Sev. Sev, his looks and everything else, I couldn't forget about him. He was my childhood sweetheart. But I needed to be strong and firm and I needed to not give him any hope that I was forgiving him anytime soon for that, you-know-what now. I slow y fooled myself into thinking that I hated him, but in my heart, I knew I still had a special place for him.

With James, it was fun and he was a very quick-witted person, unlike Sev who was always so serious. I'd always compare Sev to James, because I met Sev before. Had I met James before, I'd do the same but reversed. So here I was : torn between two men who loved me and two men whom I cared for. So to say my love life became very tangled in my graduation year. Speaking of which, I had my N.E.W.T.S to prepare for as well and was just talking to James about it and asking him :

"Say, what if I failed everything and stuff?"

"You wouldn't, Lily, you're brilliant and all, you'll pass everything with 'O'." Which was the highest possible mark for any course at Hogwarts. So I put my whole soul into worrying my N.E.W.T.S and even chided James about not being serious enough about his studies. I was saying to him :

"James, you should study more instead of playing around."

"I am studying Lily, but you need to relax sometimes too." I didn't agree with that, so I said plainly to him :

"Just proves how unserious you are about things."

"You don't mean just my grades, do you, Lily?"

"Yeah, I don't mean just your grades." I said confirming his suspicions about it. James was getting angry at me for it though i could see I hurt him a lot.

"So you mean about my seriousness about you too?"

"Yes, well, I don't think you're serious enough." I said beginning to sense how tense he was getting.

"I'm sorry then Lily, I loved you with my whole heart since I first met you and you only recently gave me a chance and I thought I proved myself to you when I saved you."

"Not enough, but yeah close? Anyways, let's not talk about this anymore. I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"It's fine Lily at least you're being honest with me." He said as he got up and walked over to another table in the Common Room.

"I'm sorry James." I said to myself afterwards because I was feeling terribly guilty about this.

Just then, a few days later, between courses and my Slug club activities and my duties as a Head Girl, I ran into Black or Padfoot who told me all about his time with the Potters. As I was in a relationship now with James, I got close to each Marauder, but particularly Moony, the mature Marauder whom I thought was the Leader of the team, but he wasn't, the Leader was James. But I was digressing with my topic sorry, I was talking to Black or Padfoot though I still called him Black though.

"So Evans, I've heard you telling Prongs he's not serious enough as a guy, right?"

"Yes, and what are you doing here?"

"i'm here to tell you a story and how serious James could be about things."

"Well, what is it? Tell me and I don't know if that's going to change my mind about him."

"Well you know, when I was 16, I ran away to the Potters because my parents' house was unbearable for me, and guess what, I've been treated like a son there, so I'd like you to consider this before saying James can't be serious."

"I understand he cares a lot about his friends by that, but I'm still not seeing how serious he could be about me."

"Well, that's your loss and your mistake, Evans. See you around."

And when Black left me, I was left wondering about his story. I somehow distrusted Padfoot's elusive character and I liked Moony more. But as I was nearing the N.E.W.T.S, I was forgetting more and more about my love problems with James until a Veela from Ravenclaw had her eyes on him and James told her off because he was with me. Then, I suddenly realized how serious a guy James could be. It was as if I saw him in a completely different light. And I want to apologized to him, he said back to me :

"Forget it, Lily, it was my mistake too, but never say I'm not serious about you, because I really am."

"And I know, I'm sorry James." Then I hugged him tightly in my arms, feeling him around me. This peacefulness lasted until MacMillian started pursuing me romantically and James began to be jealous of him. I could see then how really serious he was about me, but still I teased him about it :

"You're jealous."

"I am not." Typical answer from him.

"Yes you are James and stop denying it."

"You like it when I'm jealous yeah?"

"Yes, it just shows and proves how serious your feelings are about me. But say James, what if I failed all my N.E.W.T.S?"

"You failing all your N.E.W.T.S? Impossible, you're way too smart for that. You'll pass everything with an 'O'."

And as James predicted, I did pass everything with an "O" and I was listening to Dumbledore's graduation speech and half-dozing off at the same time with James in my arms. I loved the sensation of him in my arms. How could I have called him a Toerag then? Maybe I had some serious issues then. So me, Lily the Flower was with her Toerag James, hands in hands, arms in arms at my graduation party.

Then time flew by for me. After Hogwarts, James and I got married and everything went smoothly. Well everything except for Tuney, who called James a freak in front of me, her dear little sister and I defended James back by saying to her : "Stop calling my husband a freak, he's a persson too!" At my wedding, Padfoot was best man and the Marauders were there too and Sev and Tuney were no where in sight. I was deeply saddened and broken by my sister's absence, but James was there to comfort me.

After some time of marriage to James, I was bearing Harry in my womb. I felt something kick and move in me, a small life in me. And when I told James about it, I expected to not like the news, but he was so elated to be a father, that I thought again I chose the right man. I told him one day :

"James, I'm having a baby and I'll name him Harry as the prophecy said."

"So my son's going to be born, fantastic news Lily, but how are you so sure it's going be a he and not a her?" James asked as he teased me. I knew he was teasing me now, having gotten used to his sense of humour.

"Well, because the prophecy said I was to have a son who'd defeat the Dark Lord and everything. But I'm sure you won't like going into hiding and living a life of inaction."

"If it's with you, everything is worth it, Lily. I fought so hard to get your heart and I don't want to lose it because of that."

Although he said that, I felt he was still a little bit on the edge and everything. And I still couldn't forget about how apologetic Sev looked when he was glancing at me at Hogwarts and I was haunted by his looks and glances in my direction. But now I was Harry's mother and Jame's wife, I should love him with my whole heart and everything else. But I couldn't, I was torn between two men who loved me and whom I loved back too. Because somewhere inside of me, I still had a small place for Sev, even if I was this cold and unforgiving to him. So this was going to be the turning point of my life. The why I was torn by two men I loved and who loved me back equally and then I thought if I could marry both, that'd be awesome. But then again, we were in a monogamous world and I could have only one spouse legally speaking.

So did I regret choosing James Potter? No. Because he was a wonderful, affectionate towards Harry when he was born and even built him a little playground at Godric's Hollow and I busied myself with tending to Harry, rocking him, burping him and everything else. One day, Padfoot who was our secret-keeper was visiting Harry and played with him at Godric's Hollow, he was named Harry's Godson, despited my objections about that. Out of all of Marauders, he was the most sly, the most Slytherin and he reminded me of Sev who was a Slytherin. I trusted Moony more and I didn't like Wormtail at all. Maybe it was a woman's instinct, but whenever I felt danger, it usually meant danger and for many people, not just one.

Anyways, why was I telling you all this? Because Black of Padfoot, I had some difficulty with calling him Padfoot, his Marauder name, but yes, Black or Padfoot was telling us to switch our secret-keeper to Petter Pettigrew, the last member of the Maurauders.

"Why don't you change to Petter Pettigrew, he would never suspect him, he's as quiet as a rat."

"No, I don't trust him fully for that. I'm sure he's going to jeopardize everything." But James did entirely Peter, so he said in his defence :

"I'm sure Peter would make a wonderful secret-keeper, Lily. He's my friend and a Marauder too."

"But I still dislike him for some reasons."

"You and your doubts."

"No, me and my woman instinct. Don't you trust your woman, James?"

"Yes I do, but I trust Padfoot too, he's been my friend for years. You got to let of that mistrust in him since you see him as a friend now."

"Fine if you say so and I'll give him this one chance."

And that settled the matter. After Black was gone, Harry played everyday by himself in his cradle or his magical playground, build by my Toerag. Oh how much I loved him and he was willing to sacrifice his love for adventures for me. How come I never saw that in him? And he was such a faithful young man too. And I could sense and feel everyday he only loved me despite what the prophecy said about my son with him, he loved him and was one of the best father in the world. But one random Summer day and sunny day, I asked him :

"Do you blame on Harry or me? Please be honest about it." And he was :

"Yes I do sometimes, Harry's brought me many joys and I had the greatest times of my life with you, but I wished we could live without fear some day."

"That day will come when my son will defeat You-know-who."

"And he's almost one years old and Wormtail hasn't betrayed us yet."

"Well, you might never knew about Wormtail."

It was almost Harry's first birthday in 1981. The date was an important one, because as I was planning Harry's birthday, I wasn't expecting the Dark Lord to come over to Godric's Hollow by Floo. The morning was nice, Harry still couldn't walk but could speak a baby language neither James and I understood. Only he understood himself, so hence why he'd get angry if he didn't the thing he wanted because we as his parents and adults, didn't understand what he wanted. Was he hungry, sleepy or whatever else?

But this life I carried for 9 months and gave birth to in a long and arduous childbirth was going to die soon by the Dark Lord's hand as prophesied. I didn't care much about my life, as long as I could save my cherished husband's or my son's and the other man I loved. I didn't James was aware about my love for Sev, how deep it was or he wouldn't be with me no more. But anyway, I was digressing with my original topic about Harry's birthday in 1981, a date to remember for all in the wizarding world.

Because this was when I was going to sacrifice myself for my only son and my husband was going to sacrifice for me as well. Sorry, I got the tendency to always start by the end without telling you the details. So my husband James Potter and I Lily Evans Potter were celebrating Harry's first birthday, thinking it'd be a bright and shiny day without trouble, and full of hope for life. When someone dark with a hood, I immediately then knew who it was, came by Floo at the Godric's Hollow. Then I thought why did I listen to Black's suggestion about Wormtail. I should held my head against James then and stuck to the original plan : having Padfoot as our secret-keeper for the Fidelius Charm. But we changed it to Peter Pettigrew, who I never knew was the Dark Lord's servant and follower. If I knew, I'd have insisted on having Padfoot of Black as our secret-keeper. But now it was too late to go back. I thought I had to improvise something. I saw James rushing to Harry's cradle and pleading him :

"No, not Harry my son!" And he put himself between me, Harry and the Dark Lord. The Killing Curse was already emitting from the Dark Lord's lips, a flash of green. And I saw my husband dead on the ground for me and Harry.

"No, James! Harry! No please take me instead!" But the Dark Lord didn't listen to my pleas and went for Harry again, this time the was only me and him. I didn't have my wand, but perhaps it was my mother instinct, but I didn't what I was doing, so I hugged Harry close to me, not wanting him dead like my dear beloved husband. And I said to him :

"You'd have to kill us both."

"So be it." He said to me ruthlessly and unmercifully. And he raised his wand at my son again, but I took the aim for him. Feeling lifeless and numb, cold as stone, and not having any feelings in me anymore and as I was dying, I didn't know if my son would live. But I didn't care then, I was going to Heaven and I did everything I could as a mother to protect her only son. As I was dying, I thought it was worth it, Harry and James were my whole life with me and I didn't know Harry would survive the 3rd Avada Kedavra and would have a lightening scar and would make He mustn't who mustn't be named so weak, but I was proud of my son and I though I didn't die in vain. So that was me, Lily Evans Potter's tragic story who loved two men at the same time.

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	12. My whole Life's Regrets

Snape's Side of Things

I looked at Lily always, and she constantly rebuked me now. Never even smiling at me, nor waving at me now that she was with James Potter. I thought I hid my jealousy well, yet it showed on my face, contorted with jealousy whenever she was with James. And I said sorry to her, many times and recurrently, but she never accepted my apologies since my 4th or 5th grade Anyways, it was some years ago and I was in my N.E.W.T.S year. I of course like her took my studies very seriously, unlike that prankster James Potter or the Marauders, my arch-nemesises. But who know I'd be saving my arch-rival in school's son all the years and protecting him? So how did this all start? Let me tell you in a second or so, let me put my thoughts together so there was a beginning and an end.

So it all started with me calling her a "Mudblood". Of course now, I openly called her that in front of everyone so she knew I didn't accept her coldness either. But it didn't seem to affect her that much either now that she had James. Oh, how I wished I was James! But I was Severus Tobias Snape, a Half-Blood who hanged around with Pure-Blood and who took himself as one too. I really thought they cared about me somewhat as friend, but boy I was wrong about it. Remember when I said I didn't consider them friends? Well now that's changed a bit since I lost Lily to James sodding Potter. That name that would haunt me for the rest of my life. Why? Because I owed him a life since he saved me from the Whomping Willow. Damn that bastard, why did he have to be all heroic all of a sudden? I still remembered that incident very vividly and every details of it, how he called me Snivellus and hanged me out there. I hated myself then and only had Lily then. But now, I lost her to him. What a jackass I was to call her that. What possessed me to call her that? But she normally wasn't that unforgiving to anyone, and didn't she feel anything for me at all anymore? Or maybe her heart was as cold as stone now at least towards me.

Although I was digressing pretty much from my original topic since I was going to tell you how everything started. Well, it started with that me calling her that and us the Slytherins being recruited in the Dark Lord's services. We never uttered his name, because we all knew there was a curse put on his name. My real Master then. I assisted to many Death-Eaters's meetings and conference, that was what he called us. And I kind liked it except for the Slug Club where I could see Lily's face and body. I was attracted to her beauty initially and I was still attracted to her. Sorry my thoughts wondered from my master's to Lily again, I tended to do that when I was nervous and even though I was a very serious guy, I had nervousness in me. For example, speaking in public and everything else. I was never fond of that so I never really participated in those meetings with Mulciber, Macnair, Malfoy, Bellatrix Black and everyone else in Slytherin. So there I was in a Death-Eater meeting in a very dark room, summoned by my dark Master:

"So that Mudblood Mary Macdonald and Lily Evans, they need to be eliminated and as soon as possible, as soon as we can. She causes pollution in the noble Gryffindor house. I'm surprised as Pure-Blood as Potter would be with her." My then Master said to everyone.

"Well, because James loved her since he first met her and I called her a Mudblood, Master."

"Oh, because of that? Bravo Severus, you did a great thing!"

"So how do you think she should die for betraying you this way?"

"I think you have it wrong, I betrayed her friendship."

"

"Silence, I won't have you interrupting me Snape." He snapped at me. Macnair, Dolohov and Mulciber did nothing. Wormtail was never present at those meetings, so that was why I never knew about Peter Pettigrew's betrayal. If I knew, I would have told Lily, but would Lily have believed me then? I didn't think so.

"Yes Master, I'm sorry."

"So as I was saying, how should Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald die for being Mudbloods?"

Many suggested ways to torture her, and I didn't bat an eyelid. It was too risky showing my emotions to my "Master". Later on, I'd become Dumbledore's man, but that was the end of my story I'd tell you all about it much later on in this chapter of my life.

And so that was then when I got my Dark Mark, it hurt a lot when he muttered "Mosmordre" and carved a swirling snake into my arm. I was officially in the service of Lord Voldemort, my then Master. I never how cruel and evil this man could be. Was he really a man or something else entirely? But I knew he had powers no one knew and he studied under a very dark wizard himself. And even from the banshees themselves, highly powerful creatures. As to why he was snake-like, it was going to be Harry Potter's, my arch-nemesis but my love's son.

As much as I served him, I still loved Lily very much and I hated seeing James with her. For me, it was outrageous and even shameful. How could I have lost her to him? I still blamed myself for it. And it was one of my whole life's regret, I had others but I was going to tell you all about it in a flash instant. Wait a minute, I just need sometime to think of the best way to tell you so you won't get confused about it. So while I served the Dark Lord, I still loved Lily Evans who was now with my arch-enemy in school. I knocked points off from Gryffindor whenever I could catch James out of bed and stuff to avenge myself. That was the only way I could feel better. I knew this wasn't good for me, but I knew no other way of calming my jealousy that was growing in me .

Nobody then was close enough to me to understand my inner turmoil between my fascination for the Dark Arts and my love for her. I was conflicted inside : on one hand, I wanted to defend her whenever my "friends" called her "that Mudblood", but on the other I couldn't. If I did, I'd be showing my true feelings to my real Master and that would endanger her even more. And so that was what I was thinking and feeling all throughout my N.E.W.T.S, plus working myself to death to get top marks in everything. Now I seemingly competed with Lily in everything, because Lily was worthy of my competition, but inside I was crumbling. I couldn't wait until graduation. At least then, I could not see her anymore. And I could appease my hurt feelings and not face her constant rebuking me. She always stared at me rebukingly now ever since I called her that and it stinged my heart. It pained me to her this way. I wish I was James so much and I wish I could switch places with him. Once, near the end of the year, I thought to brew myself a polyjuice potion and take James' appearance for some few minutes with her, but I couldn't get any part of James's body. But once, when he was out at night, I caught him and said :

"50 points from Gryffindor and one of your hair please!" I levitated his hair towards making it look like an accident. I was very sly since I was in Slytherin. But sly also meant I was intelligent and resourceful. I believed everyone except James Potter had some kind of talent and intelligence. Intelligence could take many forms. Some excelled in Transfiguration, some like me were the best potion-brewers out there, and some were good Charms. It was strange eh of a Slythering to think so? Anyway, at the end of my year before my graduation speech, I had my potion done and was ready for Lily. But then it had to turn out to be someone else's hair. I didn't take Jame's appearance, but rather Black's and I knew Lily hated Black, so I cursed myself for being so overly confident and being so sure it was James' hair. I thought I had from James' body, but it was a hair from Black's body. Sirius Black's, not Bellatrix or Narcissa Black.

Speaking of which, I thought it was strange and funny the way Malfoy courted her with expensive gifts and how oddly alike a situation he was in. He was in love with a girl who looked down on him and who didn't love him back. But because it was an arranged marriage, Narcissa Black had to give him a chance. All this occupied my thoughts except for my studies and the like.

Soon it was my N.E.W.T.S which I sat through with anti-cheating quills and parchments provided by teachers, no doubt charmed against cheating. No rememberalls were allowed in the examination rooms and everything was so strict. I was waiting for each and every exam to finish, then it was breakfast, lunch and dinner. All that without Lily. I didn't know how she could so suddenly forget about our over a decade friendship and feel nothing for me at all while I felt so much for her? She was unfair to me. Yes, I was a Dark Wizard, but that was because she didn't give me any choice anymore.

So another of my whole life's regret was working for the Dark Lord because after my graduation, I applied for the Defence against the Dark Arts position several times, but to no avail. I was given the Potions' position as a teacher there. I didn't want to go back to my parents after school so it was like going back home for me. For me and many Pure-Bloods, Hogwarts was home. And home was Lily for me. But she didn't like me anymore, so I really needed to stop dwelling on her, but I just couldn't.

In my years as a potion master at Hogwarts, I was stern and severe to my young pupils and gave them no praise and still assisting to the Dark Lord's meetings. In one meeting he was very excited and besides himself even, livid beyond anything recognizable :

"So a wizard born to wizarding parents who twice defeated me shall defeat me, said the prophecy."

"Which prophecy?" I dared to ask him.

"From Cassandra Trelawney. And neither shall live while the other survives. I'm pretty sure it's Lily Potter's son."

"Lily Potter?"

"Didn't you know? She got married to him last year." I grunted in response, not wanting to let them know my true feelings about that. So Wormtail the traitor was my "Master's" secret weapon. Had I known, I would have told Lily right away, but I didn't, so I can't blame myself for it.

"Really? And you think it's her son, why?"

"Because they defeated me already twice."

"But he Longbottoms also defeated you twice."

"The Longbottoms are Pure-Bloods, I can't spill magical blood."

"Lily too is a Witch."

"Still in love with that Mublood, are you Sev? She's Muggle-filth, way beneath you." This was Macnair with his coarse whispery voice.

"Yes, please spare her and her son, maybe it's the Longbottoms?" I pleaded to my Master.

"Spare her? No, her son will cause my downfall. I must hunt her down and you're my man, aren't you Severus?"

"Yes I am, my Lord." I bowed down to him to show him my fake loyalty to him.

"I know your question to me, Severus, who gave me the prophecy? It was Lucius, my slippery, but good friend."

When he decided to hunt down Lily Evans Potter, who will always be Lily Evans to me, I started to see how wrong I was about my "Master." He had no pity, he was soulless, inhuman and unmercifulness and killed anyone in his way. And Lily Potter, no Evans was in his way so I was going to do everything in my power to help her out of this. Everything I could. After my meeting with the Dark Lord, I went directly to Dumbledore.

"Dumbledore, please I'm begging you, save Lily! The Dark Lors's after her!" I had then a funny, conflicted relationship with the man. He was my Headmaster, but I served the Dark Lord and him as well.

"Calm yourself down Severus, why is Lily in danger? Is it about the prophecy?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Let's just say I have my secrets and don't worry about her, I have a plan. Meanwhile, I want to abandon the Dark Side completely and swear your service to me for her, anything that could help her and her son through this."

"Yes, Dumbledore, Master."

"I don't require you to call me Master, you can call me Albus."

"Yes Albus."

So that was how I was in two men's service : the Dark Lord's and Dumebledore's. I relayed information from the Dark Lord to Dumbledore and from Dumbledore to the Dark Lord back and forth like that for a while, but I was so tired of this game. But I said to myself : "_I was protecting the one I love." _

But who knew even with me in the mix, the plan didn't work out for Lily and one day on July 31st 1981, the Dark Lord attacked Godric's Hollow, with the intent to kill the Potters. But the plan backfired on him and Harry Potter indeed survived the Avada Kedavra Curse. How? This was a mystery to me. But when I knew this, I immediately rushed to Godric's Hollow and hugged Lily's stone cold body for a long long time. I didn't know for how long I stayed there, but I knew she died for her son that she loved and it was my responsibility to protect such a young life now from the Dark Lord who might rise again. Such a little creature who was so powerful against the supreme Dark Lord. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Lily and James my tormentor's lifeless bodies on the floor, sacrificing themselves for their son, my love's son. I had to protect him and save him from the same fate.

There, I had rummaged through their things a little, and found a letter from Lily to me :

_To : Severus Snape _

"_Dear Severus, even though I was so cold towards you at school, I'm still in love with you and everything. I'm in love with James and he's a wonderful husband and father, but he could never replace you in my heart. I'll always have a special place for you there. So please protect my son for me. I love you and trust you Sev." _

_Lots of love, from Lily Evans Potter_

I didn't know for how long I held her letter in my hand, but it seemed like an eternity for me. And I held her letter while crying, crying and crying. Until someone got to Godric's Hollow. It was Rubeus Hagrid, the Hogwart's gamekeeper.

"Hagrid, what are you doing here?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing, Snape." He said my name with such venom, he must have thought I betrayed Lily.

"Look, I didn't do anything there, she was dead before I got there and please let me have Harry?"

"Let you have Harry, you Death-Eater? No. I'm going to bring him to his Aunt Petunia Evans Dursley."

"No don't, she doesn't love Lily."

"That's Dumbledore's plans, and do you want Harry to live or not?"

"Yes, very well, bring him to the Dursleys, but give him a happy home."

"I'm sure his relatives would love him like a son."

Boy he was wrong about this but I kept my mouth shut. It was clear to me he didn't want any advice from me and didn't trust me like Dumbledore did. Yes I should listen to Dumbledore, so listen to him I did and let Harry go the Dursleys. For years, the Dark Lord hasn't come back yet. Maybe it was his definite downfall, who knew about this and this was my whole life's regret : seeing Lily Evans dead on the floor in another world I couldn't go to anymore and lost to me forever.

The End, thanks for reading and reviewing my story!


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